At Close Range (1986)

This is a real gem for Penn and Walken and Masterson. Walken is a rural criminal mastermind (and is extremely vicious too), Penn is his coming-of-age son who dips his toes into crime, and Masterson is Penn's intelligent girlfriend. The supporting cast (including Crispin Glover!) is fantastic. This is an interesting movie. 

Ebert called this movie "bleak" and Walken's performance as "hateful," and that is right on the money. This movie is filled with have-nots who decide to take instead of live with nothing... and they barely improve their material lives anyway, while degrading the remainder. And Walken is a burning cauldron of anger and hatred, and generally acts his ass off - he really did well in the 80s. 

And of course Sean Penn was an acting god in the 80s, and it shows here too. But secretly my favorite character was Terry, the girlfriend, played by Mary Stuart Masterson. She radiates goodness in a way that completely counteracts the bleakness. 

I hadn't ever heard about this movie before I found it randomly on Amazon Prime, which is a shame - it deserves to be better known.  

Teen Wolf (1985), Teen Wolf Too (1987), Colors (1988)

I loved this one as a kid. How did it age? Pretty well. This is still fun fluff - a teen discovers he's a werewolf, and adolescent complications ensue. Makeup is pretty good here too, if funny. This movie was a huge success: cost 1.2 million to make, according to Wikipedia, and made 80 (!).

Michael J. Fox is full of charm the same year as Back to the Future, and the supporting cast is great too. Lots of fun scenes in this one, but also a lot of heart and moral lessons. Not quite as slight as it appears. I first saw this as a VHS rental, and then on TV years later... now on Amazon Prime. Worthwhile.

Michael J. Fox hated the first one so much, he refused to participate in the sequel - a very wise move. So the second one stars Jason Bateman in a very early role. It's basically a degraded clone of the first movie but in college instead of high school. The plot arc is exactly the same but worse in every way. Bateman is good enough, supporting cast is fine, but the whole exercise is threadbare at this point, and the whole thing feels a LOT less likable. Hard to recommend, especially when the first one is available.

Cop movie with a fabulous cast: Robert Duvall, Sean Penn, Maria Conchita Alonso, Trinidad Silva, Don Cheadle, Damon Wayans, the list goes on. Directed by Dennis Hopper, his first since Easy Rider! Cinematography by Haskell Wexler!

So, it has a pedigree... but is it any good? Yes - it's thoughtful, and philosophical about gangs and their purpose and place in urban communities. It has flaws... but mostly it's interesting. Veteran cop Duvall tries to train bullheaded rookie cop Penn, with many difficulties. Not bad.

Nightmare (1981), Young Sherlock Holmes (1985), Lone Wolf McQuade (1983), Bloodfist (1989)

Eh... this one tries hard but doesn't get anywhere. It's famous for all the wrong reasons - they lied and said Tom Savini did the effects (he didn't), the distributor went to jail for 18 months for refusing to edit one second of footage, it was banned in the UK, etc. etc. 

But under all the press, there's nothing there. The movie is crap. Escaped mental patient goes to kill his ex-wife and child. Yawn. Ineptly written and directed, there's nothing to redeem this one. Avoid, hard avoid. 

This was much more pleasant. I love all kinds of Sherlock Holmes, and this was a good spin on it. Directed by Christopher Columbus and produced by Spielberg! Although non-canon, it's pretty well written and vetted: Watson and Holmes meet at boarding school, and we see how Holmes obtained his signature idiosyncrasies, which is fairly fun. 

There are some great sequences (the stained glass knight!), and it's filled with atmosphere. Unfortunately it also deviates a little too far into Goonies territory with Egyptian temples right under the streets of London (!!) and flying machines, etc., and lost me around the middle of the film - it's obvious Chris Columbus has never read a single Holmes story. Shame. They shouldn't have strayed from Victorian London; maybe I'm a purist. Whatever Holmes scholar they had read this script must have been horrified. Still, kids should really enjoy this. Adults will likely roll their eyes.

The perfect antidote to the silliness above? More silliness! This movie is the answer to "what if Sergio Leone directed a western with Chuck Norris." McQuade is a loner, a rebel, a fighter... who takes down criminals no matter if they're in Texas or Mexico, always justly, usually in revenge. They lead bad guy is David Carradine! And what sweet revenge it is. He's a martial artist, a gun expert, a car expert... you get the idea. It's cheesy fun and nothing more. Fun fact: this film was the inspiration for Walker, Texas Ranger. 

This is the first of *8* Bloodfist movies. Kickboxing legend Don Wilson (look him up, he's amazing) avenges the death of his brother in the ring. If this sounds familiar, it's also the basic plot of Kickboxer, made the same year. Hard to say which is a better execution of the formula, but I think this movie more heart and less polish. I liked this, but it's definitely a cult classic: loved by a few, ignored by many. 

Class of 1984 (1982), Funland (1987), Hell of the Living Dead (1984), Blow Out (1981), Kickboxer (1989), Stagefright (1989)

This is a grim, nasty, brutish little movie - but still super interesting. As a quick side note, it's also Michael J. Fox's first role (!). The idea is that a new teacher comes to a scummy inner city school plagued by gangs and crime. He decides to try and stand up for what's right (does this ever end well in the 80s?). The local gang doesn't like this. They actually rape his wife (!!!). This causes the teacher to snap... he heads to school on the night of a big event, and begins murdering the punks one by one until finally he murders the leader and sends him crashing to the auditorium stage during the big event. It's insane. Still, this is well made and one of the better revenge fantasies of the era. Just be warned: it's VERY bleak. Some extremely unlikable characters here. 

The cover alone is pretty amazing, isn't it? Clown with a gun, over a roller coaster logo? This is a pretty predictable one... amusement park is taken over by the mob, fores longtime clown, clown snaps, goes beserk. Kills mafia stooge. Takes back theme park... takes OVER theme park. 

Yes, it's ultra low budget. But it's also pretty harmless. The mafia sections are extremely poorly written by someone who thought they were very clever because they saw The Godfather once. The clown is played by David Lander (Squiggy on Laverne and Shirley), and the original theme park owner is William Windom (the doctor on Murder She Wrote). I can't recommend it, but it's not awful either. 

Oh boy... another Italian zombie movie. Joy. Some of the worst dubbing you will EVER see is in this movie. 

*mouth moves ... several seconds later, English speech comes out, not even close to matching* 

Worst effects, too. Just... atrocious. This is zero budget, zero effort. This was never an OK movie. Just forget it exists and move on.

Ahh... a good movie. Finally! This is a De Palma movie about a sound engineer who possibly witnesses a murder... or was it an accident? Travolta and Allen are fantastic, as are John Lithgow and Denniz Franz.. and basically everyone involved here. Very tense movie, built up organically. Great Hitchcockian plot that resists the typical Hollywood ending - in fact, the ending is so bleakly ironic that it hurt the film upon release, via word of mouth. And it's easy to see why, but it's a great ending anyway. Classical DePalma. Highly recommended. 

I saw this as a kid and, predictably, worshiped Van Damme. He is very impressive in one of his defining movies - kicking, punching, more kicking, righting wrongs, doing the splits, all at a fever pitch of emotion. For young boys, this is intoxicating stuff. For anyone else, it's probably boring neanderthal fighting crap. But the seed was planted, and I still love this movie. Van Damme's brother is crippled by an evil fighter, and it's up to little brother Van Damme to get revenge. And get it he does! WITH SO MANY KICKS. Highly recommended, with the aforementioned caveats. 

Eh, another slasher pic, this time from late in the decade. But nothing has been learned: it's the same old tropes and cliches. This one is a cast of actors locked into a big house with a killer. Anyone reading that can predict the entire rest of the movie. There are a few nice touches early on... but nothing to go out of your way for. It's Italian, and the dubbing is terrible. 

Turk 182 (1985), The Coca-Cola Kid (1985), Code of Silence (1985)

Really disappointed by Amazon Prime here. I have vivid memories of watching Turk 182 on television at my grandmother's house on a lazy Sunday sometime in the late 80s... so I was really looking forward to watching it. 

Windrider (1986), Dressed to Kill (1980), Puberty Blues (1981), No Holds Barred (1989)

Another early Kidman film (coming after BMX Bandits, not too long ago). This may be the world's only windsurfing movie, and main actor Tom Burlinson is up to the job. At heart, this is an old-fashioned romance with a windsurfing angle. It's light-hearted and charming, with some surprisingly casual nudity from Kidman. Nice soundtrack, too. 

Black Rain (1989), 52 Pick-Up (1986), Mystic Pizza (1988)

I remember seeing this with my dad, although I can't quite remember if it was in the theater (possible) or on video. This movie by Ridley Scott, in which an American cop (Michael Douglas)  and his partner (Andy Garcia) travel to Japan to investigate organized crime, oozes with atmosphere. Thanks to director Scott, it looks and sounds fantastic, and although it's quite long (2 hours), the pace never seems to drag. 

Sleepaway Camp II (1988) & III (1989), The Believers (1987), Poltergeist III (1988), Fatal Beauty (1987)

I like Pamela Springsteen - lots of charisma! - but these are really very pale imitations of the original, with none of the original magic. Angela from the original is back as a young adult with the same hatred of camps and campers. Many people die in both movies. The scripts are very poor, with few ideas. These movies seem made exclusively for teenagers to make out in on dates in the late 80s. Avoid, watch the original.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988), Once Bitten (1985), The Apple (1980), Choose Me (1984)

Good lord this was funny. Michael Caine and Steve Martin are con men who meet on a train in Europe and first form a partnership, then a rivalry and competition. It's laugh-out-loud funny from the beginning to end, and the third act, where they are both trying to extract $50,000 from a woman is very cleverly written. Highly recommended, one of the funniest movies of the 80s.

The Dirt Bike Kid (1985), Clue (1985), Spaceballs (1987), Chopping Mall (1986)

The kid from A Christmas Story (Peter Billingsley) spends the last of his mother's money to buy a living dirt bike (yes, living... like Herbie or Christine) and has tons of adventures, saving the very heart of his small town in the process. It's goofy and silly but acceptable. Probably better when you're a 12-year old boy (I rolled my eyes so many times), but sweet-natured.  

Only When I Laugh (1981), The Final Terror (1983), Knightriders (1981)

Hated this. If you've ever been in a close relationship with an addict, this will hit (too) close to home. Actress mom gets out of alcohol rehab, teen daughter moves in an demands a relationship, mom is an emotional disaster and can't handle living life to any functional degree. Unpleasant.

Dark Forces (1980), Zombie Nightmare (1987), Story of a Junkie (1985)

Released as Harlequin in Australia, and as Dark Forces in the US, this is a modern retelling if the Rasputin story... except it sucks. No offense to the Film Board of Western Australia, who produced this, but it was low quality I couldn't finish it. Hard avoid. 

Under the Boardwalk (1988), Slam Dance (1987), Birdy (1984), The Monster Squad (1987)

Romeo and Juliet with surfboards! Surf battles... TO THE DEATH! Yup, this is another Roger Corman production. Filled with more "bruh" and "bogus" and "gnarly" than you've heard in years. This really isn't too bad. Keith Coogan, just before Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead! 

Dangerously Close (1986), Stripped to Kill (1987), Beer (1985)

This movie LOOKS great... but doesn't have a thought in its sad little head. Plot: a group of "social elites" (read: young Nazis) at a high school decide to weed out social undesirables... with terror and violence and, eventually, death. 

Johnny Be Good (1988), Footloose (1984), Gleaming the Cube (1989), The Running Man (1987)

Johnny be good? No, Johnny be bad. I liked this movie one late night as a kid, but hated it just now as an adult. Anthony Michael Hall is pretty obnoxious as a star high school quarterback who is recruited by every shady college coach in the book - including the college that is making a dirty deal with his high school coach, who is a right bastard. 

Demon City Shinjuku (1987), Having It All (1982), Somewhere Tomorrow (1983)

This was an interesting 80s anime - demons erupt in central Tokyo (of course), and infest it with evil. If mankind doesn't soon find a savior to battle the demon ninja who is bargaining with the devils, the whole globe will be given over to the demons. Uh oh.

Luckily our hero proves to be just such a savior, and along with his female companion and various sidekicks he does battle with demon after demon, fighting his way to the main bad guy. 

The animation is superb, the story is interesting, and the whole thing piqued my interest. Recommended. 

Creepshow 2 (1987), Mortuary (1983), Neon Maniacs (1986), The Heavenly Kid (1985), Liquid Sky (1983)

I remember seeing Creepshow and Creepshow 2 on Fox 5/45 on a Sunday at my grandmother's house. Back then, Fox was the upstart new network, and would run a lot of movies (must have been cheap) late at night and back-to-back-to-back on Sundays. 

Starchaser (1985), Frog Dreaming (1985), Green Ice (1981), The Ninth Configuration (1980)

Starchaser: The Legend of Orin is an interesting animated movie that plays like a mix of barbarian movies and Star Wars. Orin is a slave in the crystal mines, who one day finds a magic laser sword that summons a vision of a long-dead previous owner, who guides him to escape his bonds. Orin meets many new people, most of whom want him dead, and goes on a grand adventure before finally confronting The Big Bad Guy. 

Space Raiders (1983), The Sisterhood (1988), The Zero Boys (1986)

Of the two Corman-produced Star Wars knockoffs, I much prefer Battle Beyond the Stars; Space Raiders comes off as "what if Han Solo had to babysit a 10-year-old?" The plot is distressingly thin: 10 year boy (the same kid from Over the Top!! He's refreshingly innocent here, which is annoying in its own special way) stows away on a stolen cargo ship. The "space raiders" who steal the cargo ship discover him and argue about him fate: do they hold him for ransom? Bring him along? Kill him? The main raider takes a liking to the kid - the only person in the universe, he notes, who doesn't think he's a loser - and makes it a mission to simply return the child.

Battle Beyond the Stars (1980), Thunder Alley (1985), Grotesque (1988), Decline of Western Civilization II: Metal Years (1988)

For a really blatant Corman-produced Star Wars clone, this wasn't half bad! Probably because it crosses the Star Wars DNA with The Seven Samurai (!), which actually works out really well.

Our hero, Shad, is trying to save his planet "Akir" (named in tribute to Akira Kurasawa) from the evil Sador. He flies around in his talking spaceship (imagine the Millennium Falcon with C3P0 built in) recruiting various mercenaries and aliens, who all agree to help him for reasons of their own. Then, in one epic space battle, the end is decided. I won't spoil, but it hews closely to the Seven Samurai roots. 

Creator (1985), Nomads (1986), Never Too Young To Die (1986)

This was a strange one. I really wanted to like this movie - Peter O'Toole in his greasy perverse professor mode (trying to clone his late wife!), Vincent Spano as his fresh-faced assistant, Mariel Hemingway as the strong-minded young lady with her heart set on the professor, Virginia Madsen as the fellow college student that Spano falls hard for. 

UHF (1989), The Dead Zone (1983), Eight Men Out (1988), An Officer and A Gentleman (1982), Dirty Dancing (1987)

It took me forty years, but I finally saw UHF, a cult classic that all my childhood friends would quote incessantly. "Red SNAPPER!" "Conan... the Librarian!" "Gandhi... II!" and so on. 

New Year's Evil (1980)

This one is ... eh, not bad. Very typical, very average. It's one of those movies that just oozes ... average. Like the director was aiming at it. 

The title basically says everything... on New Year's Eve, a man who calls himself "Evil" (very original) calls into a concert telethon and tells the hostess he will kill one woman every hour that America's time zones are hitting midnight. Which is weirdly technical? 

And he proceeds to murder random innocent women, before zeroing in on his real target: the telethon hostess herself. The movie is entirely telegraphed, well in advance. It doesn't even bother to hide the killer from the audience. "Yup, it's this guy..."

If you're looking for an average '80s slasher murder film, you could do worse. You could also do better. But this is certainly watchable. Which is a certain kind of compliment? 

Death Wish III (1985), Runaway Train (1985), Spiker (1986), The Terror Within (1989), Jane and the Lost City (1987)

This is one that you hate to love. Death Wish III is stupid, violent, crass, ugly, cruel... and fun. The premise should be well-known by now: Charles Bronson is Kearsey, a former pacifist whose wife and daughter were attacked and killed by human slime in NYC. He went on the warpath. He killed tons of thugs and gang members. The whole community cheered him on - even the cops. 

Love Letters (1984), Cut and Run (1985), Where the Boys Are (1984), Curtains (1983)

Love Letters surprised me ... and also didn't surprise me at all. Let me explain. 

The Sender (1982), Phenomena (1985), Ghostbusters II (1989)

I hated The Sender - this is one of those movies where I truly don't know who it's made for. Teenagers? No, it's too slow and boring. Horror movie fans? No, it's not very scary. Psychology professors? No, it's too preposterous. 

Vibes (1988), Transylvania 6-5000 (1985), Bloodsport (1988)

Vibes is one of those movies that I wish I had seen as a child, because I would have LOVED it. I love it even now! I had never even heard of it despite having multiple stars I like - Cyndi Lauper, Jeff Goldblum, Peter Falk! But it appeared on Amazon Prime and I jumped on it, and was lushly rewarded.

Zombie High (1987), Zapped! (1982), Dead Ringers (1988)

I never understood the allure of Virginia Madsen, but this movie is a nice little vehicle for her at the peak of her '80s charisma. As a zombie movie, this is worthless. As an '80s high school movie, this is worthless. As a "something funny is going on here" supernatural vehicle ... yup, worthless.

Tuff Turf (1985)

This movie is INCREDIBLY '80s. James Spader plays The New Kid In Town who is attracted to The Bad Guy's Girlfriend. Bad Guy isn't very happy about that. Bad Guy is also a complete psychopath. New Kid has his job cut out for him. 

Endgame (1983), Inferno (1980)

Hoo boy... This movie. THIS movie. This MOVIE. Hoo boy. 

Beastmaster (1982), Exterminators of the Year 3000 (1983), Dead Heat (1988)

Beastmaster is the next movie Dan Coscarelli made after Phantasm (see earlier entry). It's a light sword-and-sandals little movie, with a couple surprises, but nothing major. It's enjoyable, and I remember it being on cable a lot when I was younger - apparently this is the reason it's obtained cult classic status - but I can't recommend it over other barbarian fare like Conan the Barbarian or Krull. 

Phantasm (1979), Vendetta (1986)

I know, I know ... this is firmly in the 1970s in almost every way. But I'm including it because it had a HUGE influence on a certain vein of '80s teen horror; a case might be argued that it is still influencing movies even now.

Phantasm has a tremendous sense of atmosphere (DREAD) and style to it, even while its plot is *completely* incoherent and nonsensical. The villain is so memorable and evil that anyone who saw this at a certain impressionable age (say, 9 to 15) will never forget it. I also particularly like the sidekick Reggie, driving an ice cream truck and playing guitar (well, too!).

The shortest explanation for this movie is "young boy and his older brother, along with their best friend, learn that the local funeral home is not what it seems, and the strange tall man who runs it tries to stop them from spreading the message." This really doesn't do the movie justice, but I'm also trying to avoid spoilers here. The movie moves along its own pace and logic - which might infuriate some viewers, especially those raised on the glossy horror productions of the last 10-15 years - but I'll tell you, when I saw this at age 10 or so, I was petrified. When you're about the age of the main character, it really hits home.

Phantasm has recently been fully remastered, thanks to J. J. Abrams (!). I look forward to reviewing one of the director Dan Coscarelli's '80s films, The Beastmaster, in the near future.

Vendetta is a pretty typical women-in-prison movie, with a rather effective revenge angle. I don't have a lot to say about it - it's definitely watchable, but it's also definitely not amazing. The most startling thing for me for discovering Sandy Martin (Mac's Mom on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia) as the main villain - and she's great! 

The general plot: Younger sister kills evil guy in self-defense. Younger sister goes to prison. Younger sister resists evil prison gang. Younger sister is killed by evil prison gang. Older sister, who is a stunt actor in the movies, gets herself arrested and sent to same prison. Older sister immediately begins targeting the evil gang. Older sister gets revenge, one piece at a time. 

The directing is workmanlike and the actresses are all natural, so the film is certainly worth a quick view if you're curious. The direct is Bruce Logan, who once did second unit photography on the original Star Wars, working with the miniatures (!). This was his first directing effort. I can't find any budget information for this, but I can't imagine it cost or made a ton of money. 

Fear City (1984)

Interesting movie! Fear City OOZES sleaze... sleaze... sleaze! Also has a great cast and good direction (Abel Ferrara!), but despite the atmosphere it never really comes together into something compelling. 

Tom Berenger is a former boxer who now runs strip clubs. One after another, his strippers are attacked by a maniac in increasingly sadistic ways. Billy Dee Williams is the cop who is determined to bring the maniac in. Some of the strippers include a young Melanie Griffith (!), Rae Dawn Chong, and Maria Conchito Alonso. 

Catching Up Pt 16

1. Highlander (1986)
• I saw this as a child, and remember loving it. I watched it very late at night and was really inspired by the ideas - immortals! Fighting each other for ultimate supremacy! Sean Connery!! Of course, it's Christopher Lambert who carries the movie, and his slippery English really doesn't hamper him at all - although who would ever believe he's Scottish? The movie is paced perfectly, the plot is really novel and enthralling, and the action is captivating. The movie has aged very very well. I know there are sequels, but I haven't seen them.  

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2. Mad Ron's Prevues from Hell (1987)
• Boy is this strange. A projectionist satisfies a theater full of zombies with a long series of exploitation movie trailers, and also some weird lowbrow humor. I don't know what to say about this... worth a viewing for fans of odd horror. 

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3. Blade Runner (1982)
• Arguably the most famous science fiction movie ever made. Our hero Deckard (Harrison Ford) is a blade runner, a detective who hunts down androids who have gone rogue and threaten humans. As the movie progresses, he gets new ideas about what it means to be human - especially from the movie's villain, Rutger Hauer. The atmosphere is unparalleled, the music (by Vangelis) is incredible, and the tone and pacing is perfect. A perfect movie. 

Catching Up Pt 15

1. The Monster Club (1981)
• High camp! Vincent Price is a vampire who shows writer John Carradine to The Monster Club - a literal disco for monsters. Then there are three little vignettes of light/soft horror. The best part of the movie are the songs that play in between the vignettes, basically horror-based synth rock. Interesting, dumb, but mostly fun. 

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2. Q: The Winged Serpent (1982)
• I hated this movie. I only made it about halfway through before abandoning it. The basic premise is a cheap hood who wants to be a jazz pianist discovers the nest of the Aztec god Quetzelcoatl, who apparently is a giant dinosaur. He then proceeds to sell this information for personal gain. His character (Michael Moriarty) was so repugnant and unlikable it ruined the movie for me - I kept rooting for the monster to eat him, but no dice. Avoid, like the plague. 

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3. Killer Workout (1987)
• This was unexpected fun - although it's strictly by-the-numbers teen slasher horror, it has a really unusual settings: a health club! So we see super buff trainers getting murdered, aerobics instructors hunted and killed, etc. And the movie plays around a bit with who the murderer is, generally with success. A cut above the usual fare. 

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4. Ghostkeeper (1982)
• Canadian cult classic about a ski lodge with a ghost in it. When two ladies and a man get stranded there overnight, a strange old lady and her son see an opportunity... it's atmospheric, but ultimately not very compelling. 

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5. Graduation Day (1981)
• Eh, another strictly cliched teen slasher horror film. This one revolving around a track team. After a girl dies from a heart condition after being pushed too hard by the coach, the whole team begins to die one by one. I predicted the killer long in advance. Not very interesting. 

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6. Deathsport (1978)
• The movie that killed David Carradine's career, or so he says. He's some kind of tracker, a sage survivor who is kidnapped and forced to compete in the Deathsport for the amusement of the elite. Except that he's so good, he turns the tables immediately, and soon it's the elite who are trying to survive. It's awful. The acting is terrible, the action lacks any thrill, and the dialog is incredibly bad. If Carradine says his career never recovered from this, I believe him. 

PART SIXTEEN

Catching Up Pt 14

1. Leviathan (1989)
• My family had this on VHS when I was growing up - it's one of the "late '80s underwater horror" films of the era, along with The Abyss and Deep Star Six. Maybe others, too. This one has a great cast, with Peter Weller, Richard Crenna, Daniel Stern, and others. Underwater industrial workers come across a soviet ship on the bottom of the ocean, but removing things from it proves to be a big mistake. Some great practical special effects! It's honestly not that great a movie, and I have never found the creature scary, but it's fun nonetheless. 

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2. Laser Mission (1989)
• This is always on RiffTrax or similar, because honestly it's so bad that it's almost too easy to make fun of. Brandon Lee is on a mission to recover a diamond that can shoot a massive laser... or something. Ernest Borgnine has the WORST accent imaginable. Debi Monaghan at least is a pretty effective female lead. The movie traverses a lot of terrain, and Brandon Lee is a pretty effective male lead with his martial arts background. But let's face it - this movie is deeply stupid, doesn't seem to know if it's serious or not, and basically fails on every front. 

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3. State Park (1988)
• This is a weird one. Bad-hearted villain wants to dump toxic waste in a state park. Why, I don't know - it seems extremely obvious to figure out where it came from - but he is stymied at every turn by a man dressed in a bear suit, and various other characters who seek to keep the park clean. It's fun in a small way. 

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4. Fire and Ice (1983)
• Rotoscoped animation never looked so good! This fantasy tale of a quest to overthrow an evil wizard who is crushing the world in ice is absolutely gorgeous - some of the best illustration I've ever seen on screen - and even though the story is thin, the art propels the movie forward. Worth seeing. 

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5. Necromancer (1988)
• Ugh. Rape revenge supernatural horror film. An acting student is raped, she makes a deal with a necromancer to get revenge, the boys who raped her are killed one by one in brutal, magical ways. Nothing to recommend this. 

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6. Beyond the Seventh Door (1987)
• Surprisingly good for a movie I had never heard of, with what seems like an amateur cast. Guy gets out of prison, ex-girlfriend convinces him to rob her boss for easy money, but it turns out the mansion is full of booby traps. Oddly tense and compelling, with a surprise ending I didn't see coming.
  

PART FIFTEEN

Catching Up Pt 13

1. Timestalkers (1987, TV movie)
• Interesting little movie! Klaus Kinski and William Devane in this time traveling movie with lots of Western flair. Unfortunately a TV movie, so ineligible for my list. But worth seeing anyway, if you have any interest in westerns, the way the '80s treated westerns, or Klaus Kinski in general. 

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2. Saturday the 14th (1981)
• Comedy horror that is mostly successful, where a family moves into a haunted house, and has a bunch of run-ins with monsters that usually end in laughter. It's a light little movie, with a few nice acting turns. 

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3. They Call Me Bruce (1982)
• Korean man is continually mistaken for Bruce Lee by (racist?) people in his life, ends up involved with mob activity. It's played for laughs, and the main character (Johnny Yune) has a lot of charisma. I enjoyed it more than I expected it. A limited movie, but a nice one. 

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4. Explorers (1985)
• A favorite of mine from my childhood - Ethan Hawke, River Phoenix, and Jason Presson discover technology that ultimately allows them to explore space. They have many adventures, ultimately ending up on an alien ship. I have to admit: as an adult, I find the aliens incredibly fake and stupid-looking. They turned me off instantly. But I don't remember that reaction as a kid, so maybe this movie just has an expiration date. Either way, it's amazing how good these child actors are. The script is also pretty strong. Worth exploring. 

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5. Baby Sister (1983, TV movie?)
• Provocative TV movie where younger sister Phoebe Cates plots to steal older sister's boyfriend. For a while, I really couldn't tell where things were going, but then things resolved in a predictable way. Still - not bad for a TV movie. 

PART FOURTEEN

Catching Up Pt 12

1. Gas Pump Girls (1979)
• Another Amazon Prime trick, I thought this was '80. Gas station hires group of very attractive girls, who bring lots of business. Competing station across the street, owned by big business, gets mad and tries to sabotage them. Very basic teen sex comedy, light-hearted enough. 

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2. Ghost Writer (1989)
• This one is OK, I guess, but it didn't move me in any way. Writer takes beach house to get work done. Beach house is haunted by erotic spirit of woman who was killed by boyfriend years ago. Ghost causes all kinds of mischief before she and writer figure out how to get revenge against boyfriend. Very bland ghost comedy. 

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3. Black Moon Rising (1986)
• Tommy Lee Jones is great in this action movie about an experimental car, a missing tape full of evidence, a woman car thief (Linda Hamilton!), and an evil mastermind who desires the experimental car. Lots of fighting, car chases, a love scene or two, and a great, tense finale. The movie exudes "cool." It really does a lot with a small budget, and is fun from start to finish, helped greatly by the two leads. Jones and Hamilton are both great. 

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4. Slumber Party Massacre (1982)
• Stupid. Mental patient with a drill stalks and kills girls gathering for a slumber party. Not funny, not scary, not anything. Waste of time. 

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5. Slumber Party Massacre II (1987)
• Slightly more personality than the first movie, but not much. The movie tries too many things and fails at most of them. As before: not funny, not scary, not anything. 

PART THIRTEEN