Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Stripes (1981), Johnny Be Good (1988)



Stripes (1981) might be the funniest modern military movie ever made. The list isn't that long - M*A*S*H, Biloxi Blues, Catch-22, Sgt. Bilko, Private Benjamin, and 1941. No, I don't count Pauly Shore's In the Army Now. 

Stripes is about two malcontents - one depressed newly single man with nothing to lose, John (Bill Murray) and his wise-ass friend who is sort of drifting and bored, Russell (Harold Ramis). It's weird seeing these Ghostbusters before they were Ghostbusters, but the chemistry is still there. 

At boot camp they meet a few more live wires, including the ever-hilarious John Candy as "Ox," who's only there to use basic training as a sort of personal fat camp, and the great Judge Reinhold as "Elmo." 

The movie is fun, Fun, FUN!! I can't tell you how many times I laughed out loud, which is pretty rare for this jaded movie watcher. The scenes in the beginning where Bill Murray quits taxi driving... forever. The scenes in basic during the obstacle courses. Bill Murray doing endless, endless pushups as punishment for his incessant, hilarious mouthing off. Bill and Harold transforming their march into motown glory:




Or how about the scene where Ox turns out to be a (self-described!) "aggressive gambler." Or the (in)famous mud wrestling scene! This movie is wonderful, front to back. But as easy as it could have been to simply turn into a long series of skits (it was riding the SNL high, after all), it actually some loose semblance of a plot. 

After barely graduating basic training, John and his platoon of misfits is given an assignment out on the hem of the iron curtain. When many of the platoon are captured on the wrong side of the line, John, Russell, and Sgt. Hulka (the drill sergeant, masterfully played by Warren Oates) have to go get them back ... without starting World War III. 

I should also include the women here - P.J. Soles and Sean Young, both great as MPOs. I've been running across Sean Young a lot on this blog lately - first No Way Out, then The Boost, and now this. Maybe I'll do Blade Runner soon and round her out career...

I heartily endorse Stripes from about every angle. It's not just a funny movie, it's entirely from the early '80s - the tension with the Soviet bloc was at an all-time high, but coexisting with the sudden cynicism that allowed for broad satire of the military at the same time. Maybe it's because I saw this at a fairly early age (9?) but it feels '80s to me through and through.

Fun Fact #1: John Larroquette was drunk for almost all his scenes. 
Fun Fact #2: This was originally intended as a vehicle for Cheech and Chong (!!).

Stripes was a huge, huge hit. Costing $10 million to make, it brought home $85 million, which allowed director Ivan Reitman the clout to make later classics like Ghostbusters, Legal Eagles, Twins, Kindergarten Cop, Ghostbusters II (which I don't much like), and Dave, among many others. Quite a run, there.  

On the OTHER side of the comedy coin we have Johnny Be Good (1988), which is dreck. Famously so. 

The basic plot is that high school football star Johnny Walker (SERIOUSLY??) is being recruited by major programs all across America, and he has to decide what is right (and wrong) for him and his friends and his family. Go to State and be close to his girlfriend, but forsaking football? Go to a major (and majorly corrupt) program far away, where they promise him great things? 

Already we hit a huge, huge problem: Johnny is played by Anthony Michael Hall. Yes, Anthony Michael Hall. Playing the top football recruit in the country. I know, I know - he is scrawny, muscles do not appear anywhere on his body, he is short, he seems to lack basic coordination, he, in fact, is the exact opposite of an athlete. 

And frankly, it's hard to ever get past that. This is the kid from Weird Science, people. His role in The Breakfast Club is "The Geek." This is Brian from Sixteen Candles. He is not a top football recruit, no matter how desperate the studio execs and his agent wants him to be. 

Now, ladies and gentlemen readers, I went to a football high school of great fame and greater glory. I know what high school football players look like. And this ain't it. So maybe this is a personal bias... but it's hard for me to look past.

But let's say you do. You say "Sure, this guy is a big shot high school quarterback!" Then, maybe, just maybe, you will not hate this movie. But it's unlikely, since it sucks in any traditional sense as well.

His best friend is the only really redeeming aspect here - Robert Downey Jr., who seems completely coked out and unhinged the entire time, and always seems to be in on his own private jokes. The girlfriend is played by a young Uma Thurman, who is OK for the crap dialog they give her. His evil coach is Steve James, who tries to sell him out... but is investigated by the NCAA, and the investigator is played by ... Robert Downey Sr. (!!!). 

My favorite scene, if you can call it that, is the one where Johnny comes home wearing the weirdest outfit that Prince ever rejected:


What IS that?

Fun Fact: Judas Priest covered "Johnny B Goode" for the soundtrack (!). 

Anyway, Johnny Be Good is one of the rare movies that maintains a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. It made $17 million, but I can't find out how much it cost, so no way to know how well or poorly it did. Unsurprisingly, it was the only movie made by its director, Bud Smith. Probably not entirely his fault, this one screams dud from the premise. You just know some studio heads flipped through a stack of headshots, landed on poor Mr. Hall and said "This one. Let's make him the new Depp," or something to that effect. 

It didn't work. 

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