At Close Range (1986)

This is a real gem for Penn and Walken and Masterson. Walken is a rural criminal mastermind (and is extremely vicious too), Penn is his coming-of-age son who dips his toes into crime, and Masterson is Penn's intelligent girlfriend. The supporting cast (including Crispin Glover!) is fantastic. This is an interesting movie. 

Ebert called this movie "bleak" and Walken's performance as "hateful," and that is right on the money. This movie is filled with have-nots who decide to take instead of live with nothing... and they barely improve their material lives anyway, while degrading the remainder. And Walken is a burning cauldron of anger and hatred, and generally acts his ass off - he really did well in the 80s. 

And of course Sean Penn was an acting god in the 80s, and it shows here too. But secretly my favorite character was Terry, the girlfriend, played by Mary Stuart Masterson. She radiates goodness in a way that completely counteracts the bleakness. 

I hadn't ever heard about this movie before I found it randomly on Amazon Prime, which is a shame - it deserves to be better known.  

Teen Wolf (1985), Teen Wolf Too (1987), Colors (1988)

I loved this one as a kid. How did it age? Pretty well. This is still fun fluff - a teen discovers he's a werewolf, and adolescent complications ensue. Makeup is pretty good here too, if funny. This movie was a huge success: cost 1.2 million to make, according to Wikipedia, and made 80 (!).

Michael J. Fox is full of charm the same year as Back to the Future, and the supporting cast is great too. Lots of fun scenes in this one, but also a lot of heart and moral lessons. Not quite as slight as it appears. I first saw this as a VHS rental, and then on TV years later... now on Amazon Prime. Worthwhile.

Michael J. Fox hated the first one so much, he refused to participate in the sequel - a very wise move. So the second one stars Jason Bateman in a very early role. It's basically a degraded clone of the first movie but in college instead of high school. The plot arc is exactly the same but worse in every way. Bateman is good enough, supporting cast is fine, but the whole exercise is threadbare at this point, and the whole thing feels a LOT less likable. Hard to recommend, especially when the first one is available.

Cop movie with a fabulous cast: Robert Duvall, Sean Penn, Maria Conchita Alonso, Trinidad Silva, Don Cheadle, Damon Wayans, the list goes on. Directed by Dennis Hopper, his first since Easy Rider! Cinematography by Haskell Wexler!

So, it has a pedigree... but is it any good? Yes - it's thoughtful, and philosophical about gangs and their purpose and place in urban communities. It has flaws... but mostly it's interesting. Veteran cop Duvall tries to train bullheaded rookie cop Penn, with many difficulties. Not bad.

Nightmare (1981), Young Sherlock Holmes (1985), Lone Wolf McQuade (1983), Bloodfist (1989)

Eh... this one tries hard but doesn't get anywhere. It's famous for all the wrong reasons - they lied and said Tom Savini did the effects (he didn't), the distributor went to jail for 18 months for refusing to edit one second of footage, it was banned in the UK, etc. etc. 

But under all the press, there's nothing there. The movie is crap. Escaped mental patient goes to kill his ex-wife and child. Yawn. Ineptly written and directed, there's nothing to redeem this one. Avoid, hard avoid. 

This was much more pleasant. I love all kinds of Sherlock Holmes, and this was a good spin on it. Directed by Christopher Columbus and produced by Spielberg! Although non-canon, it's pretty well written and vetted: Watson and Holmes meet at boarding school, and we see how Holmes obtained his signature idiosyncrasies, which is fairly fun. 

There are some great sequences (the stained glass knight!), and it's filled with atmosphere. Unfortunately it also deviates a little too far into Goonies territory with Egyptian temples right under the streets of London (!!) and flying machines, etc., and lost me around the middle of the film - it's obvious Chris Columbus has never read a single Holmes story. Shame. They shouldn't have strayed from Victorian London; maybe I'm a purist. Whatever Holmes scholar they had read this script must have been horrified. Still, kids should really enjoy this. Adults will likely roll their eyes.

The perfect antidote to the silliness above? More silliness! This movie is the answer to "what if Sergio Leone directed a western with Chuck Norris." McQuade is a loner, a rebel, a fighter... who takes down criminals no matter if they're in Texas or Mexico, always justly, usually in revenge. They lead bad guy is David Carradine! And what sweet revenge it is. He's a martial artist, a gun expert, a car expert... you get the idea. It's cheesy fun and nothing more. Fun fact: this film was the inspiration for Walker, Texas Ranger. 

This is the first of *8* Bloodfist movies. Kickboxing legend Don Wilson (look him up, he's amazing) avenges the death of his brother in the ring. If this sounds familiar, it's also the basic plot of Kickboxer, made the same year. Hard to say which is a better execution of the formula, but I think this movie more heart and less polish. I liked this, but it's definitely a cult classic: loved by a few, ignored by many. 

Class of 1984 (1982), Funland (1987), Hell of the Living Dead (1984), Blow Out (1981), Kickboxer (1989), Stagefright (1989)

This is a grim, nasty, brutish little movie - but still super interesting. As a quick side note, it's also Michael J. Fox's first role (!). The idea is that a new teacher comes to a scummy inner city school plagued by gangs and crime. He decides to try and stand up for what's right (does this ever end well in the 80s?). The local gang doesn't like this. They actually rape his wife (!!!). This causes the teacher to snap... he heads to school on the night of a big event, and begins murdering the punks one by one until finally he murders the leader and sends him crashing to the auditorium stage during the big event. It's insane. Still, this is well made and one of the better revenge fantasies of the era. Just be warned: it's VERY bleak. Some extremely unlikable characters here. 

The cover alone is pretty amazing, isn't it? Clown with a gun, over a roller coaster logo? This is a pretty predictable one... amusement park is taken over by the mob, fores longtime clown, clown snaps, goes beserk. Kills mafia stooge. Takes back theme park... takes OVER theme park. 

Yes, it's ultra low budget. But it's also pretty harmless. The mafia sections are extremely poorly written by someone who thought they were very clever because they saw The Godfather once. The clown is played by David Lander (Squiggy on Laverne and Shirley), and the original theme park owner is William Windom (the doctor on Murder She Wrote). I can't recommend it, but it's not awful either. 

Oh boy... another Italian zombie movie. Joy. Some of the worst dubbing you will EVER see is in this movie. 

*mouth moves ... several seconds later, English speech comes out, not even close to matching* 

Worst effects, too. Just... atrocious. This is zero budget, zero effort. This was never an OK movie. Just forget it exists and move on.

Ahh... a good movie. Finally! This is a De Palma movie about a sound engineer who possibly witnesses a murder... or was it an accident? Travolta and Allen are fantastic, as are John Lithgow and Denniz Franz.. and basically everyone involved here. Very tense movie, built up organically. Great Hitchcockian plot that resists the typical Hollywood ending - in fact, the ending is so bleakly ironic that it hurt the film upon release, via word of mouth. And it's easy to see why, but it's a great ending anyway. Classical DePalma. Highly recommended. 

I saw this as a kid and, predictably, worshiped Van Damme. He is very impressive in one of his defining movies - kicking, punching, more kicking, righting wrongs, doing the splits, all at a fever pitch of emotion. For young boys, this is intoxicating stuff. For anyone else, it's probably boring neanderthal fighting crap. But the seed was planted, and I still love this movie. Van Damme's brother is crippled by an evil fighter, and it's up to little brother Van Damme to get revenge. And get it he does! WITH SO MANY KICKS. Highly recommended, with the aforementioned caveats. 

Eh, another slasher pic, this time from late in the decade. But nothing has been learned: it's the same old tropes and cliches. This one is a cast of actors locked into a big house with a killer. Anyone reading that can predict the entire rest of the movie. There are a few nice touches early on... but nothing to go out of your way for. It's Italian, and the dubbing is terrible. 

Turk 182 (1985), The Coca-Cola Kid (1985), Code of Silence (1985)

Really disappointed by Amazon Prime here. I have vivid memories of watching Turk 182 on television at my grandmother's house on a lazy Sunday sometime in the late 80s... so I was really looking forward to watching it. 

Windrider (1986), Dressed to Kill (1980), Puberty Blues (1981), No Holds Barred (1989)

Another early Kidman film (coming after BMX Bandits, not too long ago). This may be the world's only windsurfing movie, and main actor Tom Burlinson is up to the job. At heart, this is an old-fashioned romance with a windsurfing angle. It's light-hearted and charming, with some surprisingly casual nudity from Kidman. Nice soundtrack, too. 

Black Rain (1989), 52 Pick-Up (1986), Mystic Pizza (1988)

I remember seeing this with my dad, although I can't quite remember if it was in the theater (possible) or on video. This movie by Ridley Scott, in which an American cop (Michael Douglas)  and his partner (Andy Garcia) travel to Japan to investigate organized crime, oozes with atmosphere. Thanks to director Scott, it looks and sounds fantastic, and although it's quite long (2 hours), the pace never seems to drag. 

Sleepaway Camp II (1988) & III (1989), The Believers (1987), Poltergeist III (1988), Fatal Beauty (1987)

I like Pamela Springsteen - lots of charisma! - but these are really very pale imitations of the original, with none of the original magic. Angela from the original is back as a young adult with the same hatred of camps and campers. Many people die in both movies. The scripts are very poor, with few ideas. These movies seem made exclusively for teenagers to make out in on dates in the late 80s. Avoid, watch the original.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988), Once Bitten (1985), The Apple (1980), Choose Me (1984)

Good lord this was funny. Michael Caine and Steve Martin are con men who meet on a train in Europe and first form a partnership, then a rivalry and competition. It's laugh-out-loud funny from the beginning to end, and the third act, where they are both trying to extract $50,000 from a woman is very cleverly written. Highly recommended, one of the funniest movies of the 80s.

The Dirt Bike Kid (1985), Clue (1985), Spaceballs (1987), Chopping Mall (1986)

The kid from A Christmas Story (Peter Billingsley) spends the last of his mother's money to buy a living dirt bike (yes, living... like Herbie or Christine) and has tons of adventures, saving the very heart of his small town in the process. It's goofy and silly but acceptable. Probably better when you're a 12-year old boy (I rolled my eyes so many times), but sweet-natured.  

Only When I Laugh (1981), The Final Terror (1983), Knightriders (1981)

Hated this. If you've ever been in a close relationship with an addict, this will hit (too) close to home. Actress mom gets out of alcohol rehab, teen daughter moves in an demands a relationship, mom is an emotional disaster and can't handle living life to any functional degree. Unpleasant.

Dark Forces (1980), Zombie Nightmare (1987), Story of a Junkie (1985)

Released as Harlequin in Australia, and as Dark Forces in the US, this is a modern retelling if the Rasputin story... except it sucks. No offense to the Film Board of Western Australia, who produced this, but it was low quality I couldn't finish it. Hard avoid. 

Under the Boardwalk (1988), Slam Dance (1987), Birdy (1984), The Monster Squad (1987)

Romeo and Juliet with surfboards! Surf battles... TO THE DEATH! Yup, this is another Roger Corman production. Filled with more "bruh" and "bogus" and "gnarly" than you've heard in years. This really isn't too bad. Keith Coogan, just before Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead! 

Dangerously Close (1986), Stripped to Kill (1987), Beer (1985)

This movie LOOKS great... but doesn't have a thought in its sad little head. Plot: a group of "social elites" (read: young Nazis) at a high school decide to weed out social undesirables... with terror and violence and, eventually, death. 

Johnny Be Good (1988), Footloose (1984), Gleaming the Cube (1989), The Running Man (1987)

Johnny be good? No, Johnny be bad. I liked this movie one late night as a kid, but hated it just now as an adult. Anthony Michael Hall is pretty obnoxious as a star high school quarterback who is recruited by every shady college coach in the book - including the college that is making a dirty deal with his high school coach, who is a right bastard.