- Gas Pump Girls (1979)
- Another Amazon Prime trick, I thought this was '80. Gas station hires group of very attractive girls, who bring lots of business. Competing station across the street, owned by big business, gets mad and tries to sabotage them. Very basic teen sex comedy, light-hearted enough.
- Ghost Writer (1989)
- This one is OK, I guess, but it didn't move me in any way. Writer takes beach house to get work done. Beach house is haunted by erotic spirit of woman who was killed by boyfriend years ago. Ghost causes all kinds of mischief before she and writer figure out how to get revenge against boyfriend. Very bland ghost comedy.
- Black Moon Rising (1986)
- Tommy Lee Jones is great in this action movie about an experimental car, a missing tape full of evidence, a woman car thief (Linda Hamilton!), and an evil mastermind who desires the experimental car. Lots of fighting, car chases, a love scene or two, and a great, tense finale. The movie exudes "cool." It really does a lot with a small budget, and is fun from start to finish, helped greatly by the two leads. Jones and Hamilton are both great.
- Slumber Party Massacre (1982)
- Stupid. Mental patient with a drill stalks and kills girls gathering for a slumber party. Not funny, not scary, not anything. Waste of time.
- Slumber Party Massacre II (1987)
- Slightly more personality than the first movie, but not much. The movie tries too many things and fails at most of them. As before: not funny, not scary, not anything.
- Mausoleum (1983)
- Forgettable. Woman is possessed by demon that previously possessed her mother. Husband and also psychologist try to help. Doesn't help that the print on Amazon Prime is atrocious - looks like the camera lens had vaseline smeared on it. I just couldn't work up an interest - the actors all left me cold. This is the kind of movie that collects dust in the back of the video store, at the very end of the lowest shelf, next to a movie with a title like "Hellgate VII: The Final Rite."
- Witchcraft (1988)
- Another by-the-numbers horror film. New mother and baby and husband movie into mother-in-law's house. Spoiler: mother-in-law and husband are evil and want to sacrifice the baby. Mother determined not to let this happen. Events play out much as you can imagine - scare here, scare there, dramatic music, baby seems in danger, baby not in danger, tables turned on mother-in-law and husband by the end. Yawn.
- Savage Streets (1984)
- I actually found this film shocking, a rare event for me. Linda Blair is a girl thug in LA, with a disabled younger sister and a posse of fellow girl thugs. They run afoul of the boy thugs, who are much, much worse - their leader is one of the scummiest, nastiest, most repellent villains I can remember. The boy thugs gang rape the disabled sister (!!!). All hell breaks loose and Linda Blair arms herself for war. It's a stark, bleak, grim film where none of these characters are allowed to have futures - the moment someone has hope, it's ripped from them. Yet it's compelling, because the acting is good, and because the film does a great job creating tension that needs to be resolved. It's a difficult watch, though.
- Summer Camp (1979)
- Amazon Prime lied and says this was 1980, but internet research seems to indicate '79. It's good enough - the owner of a failing summer camp invites a group of former campers back in the hopes they will donate money, or convince their rich parents to donate money. The campers fall in love, or lust, as they reenact their youth. It's OK. Avoids the worst tropes of the summer camp genre.
- Suburbia (1983)
- Another shocking film, this time by Penelope Spheeris (see Hollywood Vice Squad above), and right in keeping with her work in Decline of Western Civilization. This movie is about a group of misfit punks in Los Angeles who live together as a family in an abandoned house on condemned land. They struggle to find their place in a hostile world that they see as rejecting them. Meanwhile, two local pieces of trash take it upon themselves to "clean the neighborhood" of the group of kids. Conflict develops rapidly, with a shocking finale. It's uncommon to see a movie about punks that takes their side like this - and you really side with them, even as they commit acts of vandalism and whatnot. You understand their struggle, their desire for family, their hopes. Really a good little film, although upsetting.
- The Being (1983)
- Who knows how Martin Landau got roped into this, but it's a generic '80s slasher horror film with some nice practical effects. Takes place in Idaho, with the usual "it's radioactive!" plot device. Forgettable.
- Waxwork (1988)
- This one ALMOST works for me. Evil owner of a wax museum plans to take over the world, if only he can get rid of these pesky college kids... it's like a more serious version of Scooby Doo. The conceit is that the wax scenes will suck you in and try to kill you. Eventually all the characters escape and go to war with the college kids. It's ... OK. It's missing something, I'm not sure what, but by the end of the movie I just didn't care.
- The Incubus (1981)
- Exploitative trash, reveling in serial rape. Evil incubus creature rapes women to death, main characters have to stop it somehow, but the movie is just gross and should be avoided with a ten foot pole. Terrible.
- Wheels of Fire (1985)
- Mad Max with nudity, basically. The future is a wasteland with cool cars and leather-clad punks, sex is a commodity, and the movie finds any and every excuse for a Playboy playmate to bare her top. It's still fun, lots of chasing and shooting, but it's aimed squarely at 14 year old boys, so be warned.
- Dead Pit (1989)
- Eh, OK. Evil mad doctor is shot and trapped with his terrible experiments for many years, then let out by accident. Our heroes must run around the hospital trying to stop him. It's not great, but you could do worse I suppose. Strictly by the book slasher horror film in a hospital setting.
- The Nest (1988)
- This one is distasteful - tell me if you want to watch the following movie: evil mayor of New England island makes deal with scumbag corporation to do insane experiments on cockroaches, which then become large, hungry, and murderous as they kill humans and animals indiscriminately until a solution is found. This is a very very pale imitation of The Fly, in that humanoid/insectoid hybrids appear with maximum goop and gross makeup. I hate roaches, and yet nothing in this movie scared me. Impotent and incapable of generating fear - the kiss of death of any horror movie. Avoid.
- BMX Bandits (1983)
- Hidden gem, maybe even cult classic. Nicole Kidman's first movie! Two boys obsessed with BMX biking befriend a similarly obsessed girl (Kidman). They find some high tech walkie talkies that villains had been preparing for a bank robbery. Most of the movie is a race between villains who want the walkie talkies back, and our BMX trio, looking to escape. Fun, exciting, and the kids are surprisingly clever and humorous. Well written little film, I enjoyed it a lot. Kidman shows a lot of charisma at a very early age.
- City of the Living Dead (1980)
- Another Lucio Fulci movie, but this one was better than Aenigma. Clergyman commits suicide - the gates of Hell open. Our heroes race to close them. That's the basic plot, but - like all Italian horror - the incredibly gross, visceral special effects are the real star. Go into this one with a loose attitude toward plot.
- The Warrior and the Sorceress (1984)
- It's a bad sign when you see a movie and a month later you remember nothing about it. That's me and The Warrior and the Sorceress. I remember something about David Carradine trying to guard a well (I think?). This is highly generic sword-and-sandals light fantasy, of the kind that poor Carradine got trapped into often in the late '70s and early '80s. Lots of swords, lots of fake fighting, lots of bad speechifying. Avoid.
- Old Enough (1984)
- On the other hand, this movie left a VIVID impression on me. Young Lonnie forms a friendship with old girl Karen, even though Lonnie comes from a rich family and Karen from a poor Italian Catholic family. This disparity causes a lot of tension, but they get along well anyway. This movie is a coming of age story about Lonnie growing up in one summer, attracted to the scumbucket brother of Karen, repelled by the violent father (Danny Aiello!), unable to communicate with her own mother about the things she is seeing and feeling. It's all very effective. The movie really movies quickly, and even though the ending is predictable, it still has an impact. Worth seeing.
- Sorceress (1982)
- Another Wynorksi script, so you know what to expect: gratuitous female nudity. This time it's twin sisters Leigh and Lynette Harris, who play two sisters touched by destiny, who must overthrow an evil wizard who seeks to sacrifice them to his god and thus become immortal (or something). Honestly, this is one of those movies aimed at 12 year old boys, and I felt bad for every boob that got flashed in service to this dreck.
- Night of the Demons (1988)
- Better than you'd expect. Group of teens spend Halloween in a funeral parlor, except that a seance goes terribly awry and summons legit demons, who proceed to slay the teenagers in typical '80s slasher ways. However, the characters are likable, some of the scares are unique, and I legitimately didn't know how the movie would resolve itself. A cut above the rest.
- Dragonslayer (1981)
- This movie I remember liking as a kid, but now that I'm older ... I appreciate the special effects, and that's it. Peter MacNicol (perhaps a rather unlikely hero) is tasked with killing an evil dragon. The dragon looks FANTASTIC. Many have commented that it's probably the best looking movie dragon of all time - it moves smoothly, fluidly, convincingly. Easily the high point of the movie. The rest of the movie is ... OK.
- Time Walker (1982)
- Ugh, trashy. Alien emerges from Egyptian tomb, killing all who have looted it. His goal? Recovering crystals and repairing a time machine that will allow him to return to his home...or something. Honestly, this was straight '80s teen slasher with a very slight variation (killer is an Egyptian alien, or something), with all the tropes and cliches you would expect. Not worth it.
- High Spirits (1988)
- Fun! Irish castle owned by Peter O'Toole begins to fake ghostly experiences to bring in guests. But there's a catch - there are REAL ghosts, who don't take kindly to the fakery. Darryl Hannah! Liam Neeson! Jennifer Tilly! Steve Guttenberg! Really strong cast, and really fun movie. I enjoyed this one from top to bottom.
- My Chauffeur (1986)
- Ah, I've been waiting for this one. This was made by the same team that did the incredibly bizarre Party Animal. Surprise: this one is weird too. A young woman decides to become a chauffeur, of all random things, but discovers it's an Old Boy's Club and has a hard time breaking in, THEN discovers that long lost family secrets are coming out. It's pretty crazy. Stars a great Deborah Foreman, who was in Valley Girl and several other things I've seen. This movie is highly strange, but also charming.
- Raw Deal (1986)
- A Schwartzenegger classic, and a movie I first saw (probably edited) on TV as a kid. Here he goes undercover to help catch a major figure in organized crime. The real fun begins when they discover his identity, and he gets to wreck everything on his one man warpath to the top. Lots of guns, lots of explosions, some choice one liners - typical Arnie. Good action.
- Commando (1985)
- I think this is superior to Raw Deal, although I know it's probably hotly debated in some circles. Here Arnold plays John Matrix (seriously?), an ex-commando now living in the mountains peacefully with his daughter (Alyssa Milano, filming between seasons of Who's The Boss?). But what's this?! The chief villain kidnaps his daughter and insists Matrix install him as tyrant/dictator of a central American country. Matrix has less than a day to hunt down the evildoers and get his daughter back. This movie has an enormous body count - it must be over 100 - and an equal number of one liners. His archenemy is very memorable - Freddie Mercury on steroids, indeed. Great fun, even if I hate the tacked-on female sidekick (shades of Rambo: First Blood Part Two).
- Forbidden World (1982)
- Z-grade. Interstellar problem solver arrives at science station where genetic experiment has gotten out of control. This movie is just a poor excuse to show breasts in a sci fi setting - the shower scene with the two female leads is particularly egregious. Avoid avoid avoid.
- Best of Times (1986)
- This is a real gem that I can't believe I didn't see back when it was contemporary. Kurt Russell and Robin Williams (!!) together as small town guys who are trapped by the memory of a legendary football game - a game where Russell played like a god, but Williams dropped the winning pass. Now, 13 years later, Russell is holding on to the memory of his youth while Williams will do anything, anything to rewrite history. Including replaying the game. There is a lot of great acting in this movie, and a lot of rather serious commentary on bad marriages, individuals unable to look past themselves, making hard decisions, and so on. But it's all told in a light-hearted framework. Robin Williams is fairly restrained here, but he's the heart of the film and it wouldn't work without him. His chemistry with Russell is excellent. Absolutely worth watching.
- Final Exam (1981)
- This is strictly by-the-numbers teen slasher horror. Final exam time at local college, except that a madman is murdering everyone one by one. This movie could almost be a template for the '80s teen slasher genre.
- Moonstruck (1987)
- I liked this one so much, I saw it twice. Cher deservedly won the Oscar for Best Actress for this - she plays an Italian accountant from a large family, whose first husband died some time ago and now, lonely and getting older, she decides to get married again. There's a twist: her somewhat pathetic groom-to-be (the fantastic Danny Aiello) asks her to invite his estranged, wayward brother (Nic Cage), and when she finds the brother it turns out they have explosive chemistry. I love Nic Cage, and he eventually settles down in his role here, but his first scenes are so over the top that I am consistently pushed out of the movie: he screams, he shouts, his cadence is weird, he threatens, he's aggressive. Then... just as suddenly... he's tender, he's mysterious, he's soulful, he's committed... he's fantastic. When he switches gears, the movie really takes off. His first scenes are very unconvincing. That's my only gripe. Every supporting actor in this movie is A-level, and the plot is very touching. Great film.
- Heartburn (1986)
- I hated this. You would think that Jack Nicholson and Meryl Streep would have chemistry that melted the celluloid, but it's the opposite - I never felt they clicked at all. It felt like two individuals acting towards each other, rather than two halves of a couple trying to cope with life and its twists and turns. I also felt the movie was a little capricious - decisions just happen for reasons that violate both logic and emotion. Nora Ephron, so it has pedigree, but I couldn't like it. Avoid.
- Married to the Mob (1988)
- By contrast, I loved this. And it's the second time I've reviewed it! Great cast, especially Michelle Pfeiffer (boy is she good!), great script, great fun. Mob wife Angela (Pfeiffer) decides she wants more from life after her husband is rubbed out for getting cozy with the mistress of his boss. She moves to the city with her son Joey, and tries to start over - but the mob boss takes an unwanted liking to her, and the FBI gets involved too. Great direction by Jonathan Demme (Something Wild, Silence of the Lambs, Philadelphia).
- Girls Just Want to Have Fun (1985)
- I liked this one a lot. Sarah Jessica Parker just wants to be on Dance TV (a loose imitation of MTV), but her uptight parents won't let her audition. She says "To hell with that!" and skips school to go practice and audition anyway, with her best friend (an amazing Helen Hunt). Surprise - she gets in! But she and her partner have to figure out a complicated routine while everyone in their world tries to stop them. It's great fun, I loved seeing the dad (Ed Lauter!) have a change of heart near the end. Written by Amy Spies, who helped develop Beverly Hills: 90210 and Melrose Place.
