The massive hit film of 1985 (8th highest grossing, just behind films like Witness, Cocoon, and Rocky IV), this perennial favorite is always worth watching - although the older I get, the more I find the first twenty minutes or so tend to drag. Great cast, standouts everywhere, along with great direction (Richard Donner) and great script (Spielberg). Hard to say anything new about this one, although I will comment that Ke Huy Quan ("Data" here and "Short Round" in Temple of Doom a couple years later) really should have made a lot more movies. Highly recommended.
Wargames (1983)
This is a real gem, and was a major smash success - 5th highest grossing movie of 1983, behind only Trading Places, Flashdance, Tootsie, and Return of the Jedi. That's serious clout, right there. Matthew Broderick (in my favorite role of his) is a young nerd who uses his computer to impress a girl (best use of computer). He hacks a local military installation, discovers "games" on the server, and attempts to play. His "game" starts a very real nuclear war simulation exercise that gets increasingly real, and the rest of the movie is about trying to convince the computer it's all a game after all. Really tight script, compelling plot, very few awkward moments, and most of all - it's exciting. Lots of chases and escapes and ingenuity. Highly worth seeing, especially for the window into the Cold War mentality of the early '80s, which I vividly remember. Fantastic cast.
Over the Top (1987)
Second time I've reviewed this: A personal favorite of mine, this is a crazy movie that could only have come out in the '80s - a long haul trucker dad (Stallone) who is also a professional arm wrestler (!) suddenly gains custody of his estranged young son (!!) and must learn to be a father while simultaneously avoiding the boy's sleazy rich grandfather AND making his way to Vegas for the arm wrestling championships(!!!). It's insane, and glorious. Nothing makes any sense, but it hardly matters - the movie has a lot of heart and soul, and Stallone has a lot of chemistry with the kid. Plus it's just *interesting* to watch professional arm wrestlers ply their trade - a real window into a little-seen world. This might be wacky and have a few cliched scenes you can see coming a mile away, but it's still really worth it. A real '80s time capsule.
The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai (1984)
A cult classic that leaves me cold at the end. Peter Weller is the titular Buckaroo Banzai, a kind of master-of-all-trades scientist/car racer/adventurer/agent/guy. He has to stop evil interdimensional beings from destroying/taking over, etc. The real standout here is Jeff Goldblum, who is solid gold and steals all his scenes. I can't love this movie, but I recognize all the qualities that make it an underground favorite - it's extremely quirky, intelligent, and there is little else like it, especially at the time. Worth investigating.
Return to Horror High (1987)
I liked this a lot more than I thought I would - it's very meta, and plays with genre conventions in a fairly novel way. The premise is that a group of filmmakers return to film a documentary/reenactment at a high school where a massacre happened in the recent past. Except now the killer begins killing off the actors! Meanwhile, there is a lot of commentary about '80s teen horror movies, with a seriously unexpected twist ending (which is actually two or three twists in one). It's not great, by any means, but it's a cut above most of the teen horror dross you find in the '80s. Worth checking out. Also, a young George Clooney is the first to die (!).
This was a weird one. Extremely low budget movie where a college student is killed in a car accident, but comes back as a ghost with the help of his ghost mentor (his uncle, played by John Finnegan). All-too-predictably, he gets soft revenge on his rivals, falls in love, and realizes there was a lot more to life than he was taking advantage of. High point for TV fans: Larry Linville from M*A*S*H is the school principal! This movie is watchable, but it also doesn't have anything to say yet continually tries to Make a Point. I'd avoid.
The Golden Child (1986)
The well-known Eddie Murphy vehicle, made at the very height of his powers. This was a rather public miss at the box office (and Murphy disparaged it on late-night talk shows, explaining the studio interfered and butchered the original script in favor of Murphy just mugging for the camera), but still has a lot of charm. It may not be in the same league as Beverly Hill Cop, but there is a lot to like here. The golden child herself (yes, the actor was a girl) has a lot of charm, and of course Eddie Murphy can do no wrong, even when he's endlessly ad libbing from a chopped up script. Worth seeing.
Moving Target (TV movie, 1988)
Amazon Prime fooled me and told me this was a regular film - it's not, instead it's a TV movie from '88. Still, it's interesting - Jason Bateman (yes, coming off Silver Spoons and beginning to accelerate his career) is a music prodigy who goes to band camp, only to find it stifling and runs away. Except when he gets home, his house is empty and his parents are gone...! I'll spoil a 32 year old TV movie for you: his family is in witness protection, and the bad guys are now out to kidnap him, while the government is out to protect him, and he's just running from everyone. It's OK.
Deadtime Stories (1986)
Surprisingly fun, with a great theme song, this is a horror anthology that revolves around stories being read to a young nephew by a frustrated babysitter uncle who is also something of a pervert. The three short sections are weird and goofy and don't take themselves too seriously. The whole thing is over before it can wear out its welcome, and is recommended to fans of that "bubblegum horror" of the '80s.
The Mutilator (1984)
Among the worst-titled movies on this list, nobody really gets mutilated much in this standard teen horror flick. Just straight murdered, mostly. Plot is a little odd: young boy cleaning gun accidentally shoots and kills his mother. Father arrives home, sees what happened, immediately becomes homicidal/insane. Cut to years later when boy is now a young man and father is still homicidal/insane. Boy takes friends to beach house. Crazy murder dad kills them off one by one, as per '80s teen rules. This is strictly by the numbers and really has nothing special to recommend it.
Cat People, from 1982, is an odd one. I would guess that this is one of those movies that was made up as they went along - it can't quite decide what it is. Is it a supernatural mystery? An action movie of voodoo and love? An erotic incestuous thriller? A documentary about zoos and were-cats? All of them? None of them? It's impossible to really pin this down. Mostly unrelated to the 1942 movie of the same name, Natassja Kinski plays a woman who goes to live in New Orleans with her brother (Malcolm MacDowell). Almost immediately he begins hitting on her (!), and her response isn't quite what you'd imagine. Instead of revulsion and disgust, she is simply chilly and uncomfortable. It's the first in a series of unusual interactions between them.
Here is a quick rundown of some 80s movies I've seen lately in my ongoing quest:
The Shining (1980)
The famous Kubrick film... I like it more and more the older I get. This time around I was really struck by the incredibly disturbing score. Great film! Recommended to anyone.
Escape From New York (1981)
The famous John Carpenter film, action movie with Kurt Russell taking place in future New York - now a prison island. Imagine the chagrin of the real estate community. "Sorry, Bob, your $44 million penthouse suite is now a high security prison for gang members. But I have this great lakefront house in Cleveland to show you..." This movie has a fantastic atmosphere and wonderful supporting cast. One of the best action movies of the '80s.
Pretty in Pink (1986)
Movies like this send me straight back to my middle childhood (old enough to remember, but not a teen in the '90s yet). I often watched these late at night (on Fox 5 in the DC area, back when it was the rogue network), not quite understanding the teenage angst, but soaking in the look: the clothes, the speech, the cars, the bikes, the high school hallways, you name it. Like any young kid, I wanted to belong with the older kids. Pretty in Pink is a real masterpiece, Molly Ringwald is pursued by her best friend (scene-stealing Jon Cryer) but is herself intrigued by the sensitive yuppie. Written by John Hughes and it shows. Teen movie with adult depth, and a real heart.
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (1987)
A favorite in my family while I was growing up, we worshiped at the altar of John Candy (and still do, really). Steve Martin is a businessman just trying to get home for Thanksgiving, but a litany of bad luck and mistakes means he continually crosses paths with traveling salesman John Candy. Both actors are magnificent in this really hilarious comedy, although the script allows Candy to show off a bit more range. First rate.
Joysticks (1983)
I was looking forward to this one, but I was let down. It's a Z-rate titty-comedy about a local arcade whose studly young manager has to ward off the unwanted attentions of the local real estate magnate. There are some very strange choices made in this film, especially the odd goth gang (what is going on there?). Clearly made by a writer/director who didn't understand video games or arcades, yet decided to set an entire movie in that world. Basically a teen sex comedy with no brains, or heart. Empty, avoid.
As this blog proceeds ever so slowly due to the pressing yet mundane concerns of "real" life (because really, nothing is more real than '80s movies), I find myself discovering and rediscovering movies completely by accident. Most of the movies featured on this blog are quasi-intentional: I saw it once or twice as a kid or as a teenager and want to watch it again, revel in the glory or the shame, and share those feelings and thoughts. I also enjoy looking up the things only available in the age of the internet: earnings, the histories of stars, directors, and producers, and other random trivia and factoids that the information age has gifted us. But sometimes I just stumble across a mystery movie late at night, or I hear about one on another blog somewhere, and that's what happened with these two. For exampe, Teen Witch I found thanks to the hilarious movie podcast How Did This Get Made, which has featured several other '80s movies that I plan to cover here eventually. Teen Witch (1989) surprised me, both because I had never heard of it despite being more or less aimed right at my age group late in the decade, and also because it was a spin-off of Teen Wolf (1985), one of the quintessential '80s coming-of-age tales and a movie I've seen a dozen times. Teen Witch obviously takes the theme of "teenager discovers that they have hidden, supernatural gifts that allow them become popular and prominent ... but at a cost" and simply flips the gender and converts Werewolf into Witch. Yet... it's tremendously likeable. Our lead is Louise Miller, played by Robin Lively, and she looks a lot like the girls on the fringes of popularity did look back in 1989. As an aside, is "Louise Miller" the least likely name possible for a witch, or what? If you were walking down the street and saw a sign advertising "Tarot Readings with Louise," the chances you'd stop are near zero. Not even "Madame Louise" can save it. Louise feels hopelessly unpopular, awkward, and desperately out of the league of her boy crush Brad (Dan Gauthier). But, luckily enough, one day she accidentally meets a real witch in a dark spooky house, and the witch informs her that not only was Louise a witch in a past life (hilariously, she shows Louise a yearbook from centuries past that has photographs in it somehow), but that Louise is a witch in THIS life, once she turns 16. She proceeds to train (and exploit) Louise's witchery. This witch is played by the always memorable Zelda Rubinstein (Poltergeist). Louise also has a crazy family, especially her brother Ritchie, played by the fantastic Joshua Miller. We've seen Joshua Miller elsewhere in this blog, when he plays Keanu Reeves's little brother in the movie River's Edge (1986), another role he excels in. Here he plays possibly the most bizarre and most annoying little brother in any film. Her mom and dad (Caren Kaye and Dick Sargeant, the latter's casting must be some kind of Bewitched in-joke) are suitably square as all parents of teenagers must be, and generally her family hinders her efforts to be the coolest girl witch in school. The movie progresses almost identically to Can't Buy Me Love (1987) - teen gets power/money, teen uses it to change appearance and mannerisms, teen becomes extremely cool and popular but leaving old friends in the dust, teen realizes the popular life is shallow and full of problems and not what it seemed, teen must figure out a way to be authentic again and get back friends who value them for who they really are ... often earning the respect and admiration of their love interest along the way. The plot of Teen Witch checks every single box. But Robin Lively is nice in her role, the casting is really great across the board, and her best friend is fantastic, played by Amanda Ingber (now a yoga instructor! And I bet a great one). Check out the famous "Top That" rap performed by best friend Polly, after being betwitched by Louise:
Amazing, right? TOP THAT. TOP THAT. I want to yell it all day. TOP THAT. Teen Witch was written by Robin Menken and Vernon Zimmerman. Menken also wrote Young Lust (1983), but is mostly known as an actress (This is Spinal Tap, Body Rock, Head Office, Scenes from the Class Struggle in Beverly Hills). Zimmerman, among other credits, wrote and directed Fade to Black (1980), a horror movie I've long wanted to see. Teen Witch was directed by Dorian Walker, who also directed Making the Grade (1984) and a few other items, including episodes of America's Castles, which I dimly remember from the mid-'90s. As for finances... at first, when I looked up the numbers, I thought it was a typo. The movie cost $2,500,000 to make, and only made back $27,843. I figured some zeroes were missing there but no, it only made twenty-seven grand and change. Released in April of 1989, it apparently came up against extremely stiff competition in Stephen King's Pet Sematary and also the movie I and everyone else saw in April '89 - Field of Dreams. Too bad, this is underrated and should be better known (other than "Top That," which is maybe too well known) - so big thanks to How Did This Get Made for showcasing it. License to Drive (1988) I found randomly on TV last night, and vaguely remembered it from its original release although I never saw it then. The movie featured Corey Haim as a teenager who I had a really difficult time getting a handle on. He's a whining, lying, deceptive sixteen year old (weren't we all?) but he has that natural Corey Haim charm including some really funny facial expressions and sound effects that win you over once in a while. Overall I liked him. The plot is beyond simple: Boy needs car to get girl, boy has no license so steals family car, hijinks ensue where stolen car is constantly imperiled and boy is out of his depth with girl, finally boy is caught and has a rueful Growing Up Talk with dad, boy realizes cars aren't everything but girls (and family) are. The Boy here is Corey Haim, who is in full Corey mode. His best friend in the movie is Corey Feldman, who was also his best friend in real life. They have an obvious chemistry and so the teenage portions of this movie work pretty well. Astoundingly the love interest, named Mercedes (ha ha... ha), is played by a very very young Heather Graham. She looks so little like herself in later films I did a double take after reading that it was her. Perhaps the best thing about the movie are the parents, Richard Masur and Carol Kane - both completely fantastic movie parents, and both surprisingly realistic at moments. They carry their scenes well. There is also a really great scene with James Avery (the dad from Fresh Prince of Bel Air) as a DMV driving examiner. Also starring is an array of wonderful cars: a '72 Cadillac DeVille, an Alfa Romeo Spider, a Corvette, etc. - all great dream cars for boys of the late '80s - but most notably a gorgeous red Ferrari 308 GTS, aka The Magnum P.I. Car, which features prominently in the opening fantasy sequence. License to Drive isn't a deep movie, but it's nice in a small way, mostly due to appealing performances that overcome a by-the-numbers script. Speaking of, it was written by Neil Tolkin, who also wrote Richie Rich and Pauly Shore's Jury Duty, both in the '90s, and it was directed by Greg Beeman in his debut, and who has become a successful television director with Smallville, Heroes, and JAG. According to Wikipedia, it had a budget of $8 million and made $22 million (!), making it a pretty moderate hit in 1988. Pretty good, considering it was up against the juggernauts Who Framed Roger Rabbit and Coming to America from late June, and Die Hard and Midnight Run in mid-July. It was lucky that the only same-week competition it had was Short Circuit 2 (barf).
This movie is a real gem, and one of reasons I'm glad I started this blog - a movie I otherwise might never have encountered, that turned out to be a sort of cult classic and an experience I really enjoyed. Diane Lane, in one of her earlier roles, is Katya, an artist and designer living in Pittsburgh (!), who convinces a local department store to let her redesign the windows facing the sidewalk (think Barney's, Bloomingdale's, Bergdorf Goodman's, Macy's, etc. in New York). Her redesigns are all extremely erotic and borderline transgressive and push the public into a lather. The store becomes the talk of the town and her career as an artist really begins to take off. There is a catch - she becomes the fixation of an extremely unpleasant doctor whose office overlooks the windows, and who becomes completely obsessed with her. He begins stalking her, invading her space, harassing her with phone calls, and generally making her miserable. He's one of the worst human beings I can remember in a movie, and the movie finds inventive ways to make him more and more unappealing. He's a monster with absolutely no redeeming elements. Eventually, however, he gets his comeuppance ... and when it happens, it's glorious and extremely satisfying. I actually cheered at the TV, a real testament to the movie's ability to evoke sympathy for our heroine. The movie has so many interesting things going on. The city of Pittsburgh is showcased and comes across really well - this might be the only movie I've ever seen to be completely set in Pittsburgh. It's full of interesting, quirky areas and spaces, and Katya's loft/art studio is really amazing - full of mannequins, a clawfoot tub, a canopied bed, lights hung around, and a private elevator. It's one of the best movie apartments I can remember. She takes a bus into the city every day, which is another nice touch - I can't think of many movies that feature realistic commutes like that. The bus, of course, becomes another arena for her stalker to approach her and violate a safe space. The windows she designs show a lot of imagination, with hints of BDSM and psychological torment all squeezed into normal domestic spaces using props and mannequins, and I am not sure who is responsible. The set designer was Tom Wells (his only credit in that role), who went on to do production design on a handfu of TV movies in the late '80s and early '90s and then seemed to exit the industry. It's too bad, because this movie has visually striking sets from start to finish. The movie was directed by Karen Arthur, and seems to be her only feature film of the '80s, after directing a couple in the '70s (including the little-known The Mafu Cage with Carol Kane back in 1978!). She has directed many TV shows and TV movies over the years, as recently as 2008. Lady Beware's script appears to come from Susan Miller, who has written for several shows over the years, and most recently the webseries Anyone But Me. It's interesting that the film was written and directed by women, because it feels very centered around the fears of a woman being stalked - really gets inside the headspace and makes you feel the fear and anger. It's very effective. I can't find any financial data for Lady Beware, but I did find some interesting facts about the production company, the Scotti Brothers. The Scottis are two brothers who played football at my alma mater, the University of Maryland, and then they formed both a film production company as well as a record company. They had much more success with the music side of things, as they launched the careers of Weird Al Yankovic (!!), and Survivor (of "Eye of the Tiger" fame). The film side of their company produced and distributed Baywatch (!), and a handful of movies like He's My Girl (1987), The Iron Triangle (1989), and Shatterbrain (1991). Shatterbrain, as I only discovered today, is a telling of my very favorite story by H. P. Lovecraft - The Case of Charles Dexter Ward, from 1927. I am dying to see it. The film side seems to have folded after Baywatch, and the record company was eventually purchased by Sony. Who knew that Lady Beware is a feather in the same cap that was responsible for Weird Al Yankovic??
I'm sorry, readers. These three movies are fairly awful. Dreck. Schlock. Unworthy but for my undying interest in the entertainment-mad decade in which they were mercilessly unleashed onto the unready, unsuspecting public. Let's start with Sweet Sixteen (1983). I actively disliked this movie. This movie is borderline racist towards Native Americans, who are persistently portrayed as murderous scum who barely deserve to live in the same town as the virtuous white characters - only the even-keeled sheriff seems inclined to, you know, actually wait and see how the evidence shakes out. The movie itself does take pains to show you the Native American characters are good people, but it does it in a half-hearted way. In one scene, a Native American character tries to get a young girl to leave a seedy part of town, but he does it in a rather aggressive, unpleasant way - he grabs her wrist rather forcefully - and while the audience knows he has the best intentions, it sure doesn't make him very appealing. And despite things like that, it sure doesn't help when they are accused of serial murder at every turn, even by the "good" characters. The whole ham-handed attempt at potraying the Native American characters as Noble, Stoic, But Misunderstood is very poorly written. That aside, the plot is almost complete nonsense, with some really crazy situations, like when a drunk teen drives home his date, only to discover her father getting home at the same time. Daddy ain't pleased. What does the teen jerkwad do, immediately after learning his date is FIFTEEN YEARS OLD (and he has been predatorily trying to bed her in his filthy truck for the last five or ten minutes of the film)? He proceeds to insult the father, spouting off some lines like "Hey, calm down old man, it's cool, we just had some beers and went for a drive." What, now?! This takes places in Texas, too. In a more realistic movie the remainder of the film would have been the father's murder trial for taking out that turd of a teenager. Alas, this is not a realistic film, or even a passable one. It's a sub-generic, derivative slasher film that voyeuristically insists we gaze at a 15-year-old's breasts at every possible chance. It's really off-putting, and this comes from someone who is usually very enthusiastic about nudity. The only saving grace is that the actress is obvious much older. But still, the film pushes her age ("My birthday is next week!") in our faces, and then undresses her over and over again. The "villain" is somewhat predictable, and the murders themselves completely uninspired. If I had seen this in the theater as a young child I would have fallen asleep. The movie inspires no fear, no dread, no apprehension of any kind. It's limp filler of the lowest grade, and I encourage absolutely no one to see this. Sorority House Massacre (1986) is a blatant knock-off of Halloween: young girl's disturbed brother breaks out of mental institution, resolved to murder his sister and complete the killing of his family as he intended to do years before. He is superhumanly strong, nearly impossible to stop, and appears to rise from the dead several times. Sound familiar? All that's missing is the white William Shatner mask - and I'm sure they would have done that if they had just a little more budget. There are also a couple dim nods toward Nightmare on Elm Street, since there are lengthy surreal dream sequences. This movie also uses every opportunity to show that the main characters are young, nubile co-eds. They try on clothes (in the movie's single most ridiculous scene, these girls are GIDDY about trying on every article in the closet), they take off clothes, they wear tight pajamas, they make out with boyfriends, etc. It's amusing, but far from the erotic thrill the film is hoping for. From what I understand, the sequel has all the bared skin you could wish for and more. This one uses it more for seasoning, on top of the main course of multiple gory murders. Sadly, the plot of Halloween being so well known by the time this came out, Sorority House Massacre also fails to provide any real thrills or suspense. You know who the killer is, you watch him methodically assault his way to the sorority house, you watch him pick off improbably vulnerable victims, you watch the killer finally get his bloody comeuppance, you see the "THE END?"-type finale. You yawn, you turn off the TV, you wonder where your life has gone, you glance at the clock, feel depressed, and fall asleep on the couch. Cheerleader Camp (1988) is the clear winner of the trio here, which is sort of damning with faint praise. It's also known by the title "Bloody Pom Poms," but I've only ever seen it as Cheerleader Camp. At least this movie has a real sense of humor - a group of cheerleaders go to a camp where they compete with other schools, when slowly campers start getting knocked off one by one. One of the very best things about this movie is the poster - it's incredible! The skeleton cheerleader is just a really nice touch, and quite creepy. My favorite character, by far, is the fat voyeur Timmy (played really well by Travis McKenna), who goofs around and films every girl he can see in the hopes of getting a set of jiggling breasts or a suntanning butt on tape. But he's also a cheerleader (!), along with his best friend Brent (Leif Garret!). The main plot here goes a little further than the other two movies - our main character is Alison (Betsy Russell, now famous for all the Saw films), who is plagued by nightmares in which very violent things happen. She begins to wonder if she is the killer and just blacking out during the acts. One by one, the ENTIRE CAMP is murdered - no one is spared - in increasingly gruesome ways. Only our heroine is left, along with the team mascot. But ... which one is the killer? I won't say here. It's not that I really want anyone to seek out this movie, but it's a cut above the usual '80s teen slashers, and has a legitimate sense of humor that is crossed with a surprisingly effective streak of paranoia that mounts as the teens begin to suspect each other. I wish Timmy had lived. As for the production, let's start from the top. Sweet Sixteen was directed by Jim Sotos, who made Hot Moves a year later; I once saw Hot Moves on sale for a dollar at a VHS liquidator. Sweet Sixteen was written by Erwin Goldman, in what appears to be his only writing credit of any kind (I'm not surprised). I can't find money or budget info anywhere, but it's safe to say this didn't make much money. Sorority House Massacre was written and directed by Carol Frank, who appears to have been a production assistant on a couple things before this, and never made anything else after it. Again, no budget or money info is available anywhere. This movie is fairly well known, and even earned a sequel made by Roger Corman (!), which is a sort of honor. I would guess this one made a profit. Cheerleader Camp was written by David Lee Fein (author of semi-cult classic Demonoid, and longtime foley artist with more credits than I can list here) and R. L. O'Keefe, who doesn't appear to have written anything else. It was directed by John Quinn, who went on to write, direct, and produce a lot of Cinemax-type late night TV shows. Yet again, no money info can be found, but this is another semi-well known slasher of the era, and probably at least broke even. I wish someone would write a book about all the many, many teen slashers of the '80s.
