Running Scared (1986)

Sometimes comedians don't realize they are not good at a certain kind of comedy. That is the case with Running Scared (1986), where no one had the guts to tell Billy Crystal or Gregory Hines that they make terrible, unfunny cops. 

Billy Crystal is a funny guy, normally. But as we saw in Memories of Me, he can also be an awful, unfunny mess. Now Memories of Me was a drama, more or less, but Running Scared is SUPPOSED to be a comedy - just look at that awful DVD cover art! - and he totally bungles it. 

My theory is that the '80s were so rife with movies where cops acted fast and loose - 48 Hours, To Live and Die in LA, Year of the Dragon, Manhunter, Robocop, Lethal Weapon, Sea of Love, Stakeout, Cop, and above all Beverly Hills Cop - that Billy Crystal thought he could get away with this. He was very very wrong. The divide that separates Eddie Murphy in Beverly Hills Cop and Billy Crystal in Running Scared is unbridgeable. 

So the movie itself... which is no good... is about two cops, Ray and Danny (Hines and Crystal), who try and take down Julio, the local crime... guy... thing... boss. They bust "Snake" (Joe Pantoliano) and try to turn him against Julio, but it goes haywire and only their craaaaaaaaaaaazy antics get them through. Ugh. Then they are shipped off to Key West on a forced vacation by their boss (Dan Hedaya), where they decide to retire and open a bar. Yawn. When they return to Chicago they hear Julio is loose, and decide to do One Last Bust before retiring. Also, they have to train their replacements. 

Honestly, the plot is paper thin ... thin as carbon paper, which is appropriate because this plot is copied off of better cop movies over the years. Rogue cops ... retirement dreams ... one last big bust ... evil gang kingpin ... yadda yadda yawn. There is nothing new here, and the childish comedy antics don't infuse any new blood at all into the tired script. 

So who is responsible for this mess? The director was Peter Hyams, who also made Capricorn One, Outland (which I like), The Star Chamber, 2010 (!), Timecop (uh oh), Sudden Death (uhhh ohhhh), The Relic (uhhhhhhhhh ohhhhhhhhhhh), and finally A Sound of Thunder, a movie I saw in the theater and really wish I hadn't. 

So his career experienced a notable decline, and I place the beginning right at the doorstep of Running Scared, aka no one's favorite cop movie, ever anywhere. The movie was written by Gary DeVore, who also wrote Raw Deal and Traxx and not a lot else. I see the Raw Deal similarity - if you added terrible jokes to Raw Deal, it might resemble this movie. 

It grossed $38 million at the box office, but I have no idea what it cost to make. My guess is it broke even or made a small profit. I sincerely doubt it was a runaway hit, especially as NO ONE I knew in the '80s, man woman or child, talked about this movie. Not recommended.