Flesh + Blood (1985)

What a strange movie this is. Flesh + Blood (1985) did the whole plus-sign-in-the-title trick way before Romeo + Juliet... even though sources say that "Flesh + Blood" was stolen from a Roxy Music album of the same name from '80. 

But this is one wacky medieval flick. The first English language movie by Dutch director Paul Verhoeven (Robocop, Total Recall, Basic Instinct, Showgirls, Starship Troopers, etc), this takes place around the year 1500 or so, in what appears to be Italy. At least I think so. One character is prominently named Arnolfini, but another is Hawkwood, so who knows. 

This movie is a curious mix of realism (lots of disease, raping and pillaging, endless violence towards innocents, and a world of immorality) and terrible acting. Every single actor overacts by half, and some much more than that. Rutger Hauer (transfixing) is the only actor who really does well with his part. 

The movie also, interestingly, reunites Hauer with his Blade Runner cast mate Brion James (the replicant Leon in that film), who seems to enjoy the reunion. But it's Hauer above all - even the leading lady Jennifer Jason Leigh - who shines here. His wanton mercenary has a sense of humor, a world view that is consistent, sly cunning, and natural leadership. In short his character works, and well. 

The rest of the cast tends to come from the Shatner school of inappropriate pauses and strange word accentuation. The diction is also very strange. The uneducated barbarian bandits speak like philosophers might, while the educated nobleman simply make the distinction between them noticeable by enunciating every single syllable.

Something like this:

Filthy Bandit #1: Are ya he who has traveled all these wide and plaguey lands, robbin' and stealin' and sallyin' forth in endless journey, hopin' to find, at long last, some everlastin' love - if that thing indeed be real and not sum illusion - with a good woman? If, indeed, a good woman even exists? 

Immaculate Nobleman:  I am certainly not. I am instead he who has been journeyING across the lands and seas, hoping to achieve my quest, and that quest is to restore my rightful bride to her place by my side, from which she was stolen with great dishonor by the warlord Martin.

Filthy Bandit #2: Indeed. I was not lookin' for such a man as ye, yet here ye are. To arms!!! 

::draws sword, killed by arrow, blood gushes as women scream... in delight::

I'm only exaggerating a little bit. The dialog is elevated far beyond what it should be. Yet once you get beyond the strange talk, the plot of the movie is just as strange. Rich guy leaves city, city is stormed, rich guy promises looting of said city if immoral mercenaries will help him retake it, blah blah blah.

Long story short, there is a chick played by Jennifer Jason Leigh who is smart enough to seduce the strongest man in the room, thus always ensuring her survival - even when the PREVIOUS strongest man is suddenly powerless and forced to bear witness. One of the men is Rutger Hauer, a clever mercenary. The other is Tom Burlinson, rich man's son. They fight over her a lot. A lot of people are killed and things are burned, but hey, it's 1500 - that was your average day back then. Go work, get killed by a mercenary, have your thatched hut burn to the ground! 

The moral of the movie - if you can even call it that - is simple: might makes right. The strong survive, the weak get pelted with plague-infested dog carcasses. 

Worth a watch, especially for Verhoeven fans (this movie has more than a little in common with Robocop and Total Recall) and people who see medieval movies and think "If only this were a thousand times crazier and crueler."