Lady in White (1988), Married to the Mob (1988)

So let's take a quick look at 1988 for a moment, since both of tonight's movies and several recent ones have all been from that year. Wikipedia tells us that the top grossing movies were, in order:

Rain Man
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Coming to America
Big
Twins
Crocodile Dundee II
Die Hard
Naked Gun
Cocktail
Beetlejuice

Rain Man won the Academy Award for Best Picture, as well as a number of other awards. I don't think history has been particularly kind to Rain Man, and if today's viewers and critics were to re-vote, I bet the new pick would be something more like Midnight Run or Bull Durham or even Die Hard. Rain Man was classic, vintage Oscar bait, and the origin for the famous "going full retard" joke from Tropic Thunder. 

All that said, 1988 was a pretty weak year. I was eight years old when it was actually happening, and I can tell you first hand that Roger Rabbit and Beetlejuice were freaking sensations - everyone I knew saw them, sometimes twice. Die Hard also, if you could find a parent lenient enough to let you watch it (my dad was one). My sister worships Twins, and I think everyone agrees Big is a real treat. But in that Top 10 Grossing list, at least two - Cocktail and Crocodile Dundee II - are real losers. No offense to fans of early Cruise, but Cocktail is pretty weak and really memorable only as a cultural icon rather than as a good movie. Meanwhile, Dundee II is a shadow of the original. 

I guess it's difficult to really get into why I feel '88 was a weak year without a sprawling list of movies I think are good or bad. After all it's a feeling, not a fact. So rather than trying to justify a feeling, let me offer some proof: The Lady in White (1988). Which sucks.

To be fair to the movie (at least as fair as I'm going to get), it's designed for kids and not adults. Some kids movies can hold up both ways (like Roger Rabbit), and some cannot. The Lady in White does not. It's about a kid who witnesses a ghost, and that ghost (as ghosts are wont to do) goes ahead and reenacts a murder. Then the kid has to put clues together and solve the murder, including catching the still-on-the-loose killer. 

The kid here is played by Luke Haas, who I liked in The Witness and disliked in Solarbabies. He's OK here, I guess, but the movie has some major flaws (again, for an adult). The music is horrible and the quintessential "kid movie" soundtrack where dramatic scenes are immediately followed by jaunty playful music that undercut the tension. Or, I suppose, help small kids loosen up after the scary parts. 

I figured out who the killer was in the first 20 minutes or so of the movie. Not a good sign, since the film has nothing left to offer beyond cheap "scary" effects for kids. Ooooh! Katherine Helmond is floating right at me with her arms outstretched! BOOOOO!!!! I found the neighbor who gave out toothpaste on Halloween more terrifying.

Also, it's surprising how the movie absolutely has nothing to say about a killer who is a child predator - you'd think the cops or someone would cover that angle with a little extra outrage, but it seems like they wanted to spare the children watching EVERY real frightening element, including how horrible the villain actually is. 

It also lost a lot of money. Wikipedia says it cost 4.7 mil to make and made back 1.7 mil - ouch. Seems like everyone was out seeing Who Framed Roger Rabbit? instead, like I was. So, long (ghost) story short: not scary, not clever, meant for very very small children, not worth your time unless you are writing a blog where you have to watch it to maintain credibility. 

Married to the Mob (1988), on the other hand, is actually good. Very good. It's fairly funny, well directed, and has decent comedic performances by a number of respected actors (Michelle Pfeiffer NOT being a mannequin! Alec Baldwin being Alec Baldwin! Joan Cusack! Matthew Modine! Oliver Platt! Dean Stockwell, as disturbing as ever!).

It's a comedy about a woman who spends the first part of her life insulated by a married life in a Mafia-entrenched Italian family. Suddenly she is thrust out into the Real World which she has been craving more and more, and forced to fend for herself. However (there's always a however), the mob isn't quite done with her yet. That's the basic idea, it's simple yet effective, and Michelle Pfeiffer is a real charmer here. I am very touch-and-go on her in general, and '88 was an odd year - your average shrub would have turned in the same performance as she did in Tequila Sunrise, but she is irreplaceable in Married to the Mob. 

This movie really drips 1980s from every pore. The hair, the bright colors everywhere, the language, the attitudes, the way NYC looks, the film grain, everything. This movie is the answer to the question"what if GoodFellas was a domestic farce." 

Some interesting factoids: Dean Stockwell stayed in character the entire time on set. Of course he did, that disturbing bastard. He will forever be Ben from Blue Velvet to me, lip-synching "Candy Colored Clown" and using a shop light as a mic. Another: Matthew Modine read the script and originally didn't realize it was a comedy! Perhaps because he was still traumatized from filming Full Metal Jacket. Yet another: numerous actors from this comedy appear in other Jonathan Demme films, like Silence of the Lambs. 

The movie did well, and doubled its money - cost $10 mil, made $20 mil. Not bad. Another interesting divide, though: critics loved it (91% on Rotton Tomatoes) but the average score on IMDB is only 6/10. Go figure. 

Tequila Sunrise (1988), The Falling (1987)

Last night I tried to dig up a list of every 80s movie, so I could go through and check off the ones I've seen, then post it here.

That turns out to be a surprisingly difficult task. No one seems to have compiled a thorough list of every movie. The best I was able to come up with was a combination of IMDB and Box Office Mojo... the total? 

~4,500.

That means this is much bigger project than intended. Even with no time frame, it suddenly got a lot more intimidating. I was expecting maybe 1,500 to 2000 - three or four movies a week over the course of the decade, which still "feels " correct to me. 

Maybe when I start digging through that 4,500 list I will find a lot of TV movies, TV shows, shorts, cartoons, who knows what else. 

Meanwhile:

 Let's start with Tequila Sunrise (1988). I like to think that a good review should reflect the thing being discussed. Here, I'm just not sure what kind of tone to adopt to express my severe, severe disappointment. Here we have director Robert Towne (who wrote the Chinatown screenplay) helming a California crime film featuring Mel Gibson, Kurt Russell, and a life-size wooden doll of Michelle Pfeiffer. Bit players include J. T. Walsh and Raul Julia (among others). And yet... it's awful. Awful. Really bad. 

Cardinal sin: it's boring. Nothing much happens, and it happens over and over and over again. People talk, and their speech is all cliches. And they talk some more. No chases. No gunfights. No action of any kind, really, until the very very end, and even then it sucks and is badly done. Mel Gibson seems off, colorless, zero charisma from Lethal Weapon. or its kin. 

Kurt Russell is filling in for Pat Riley (!!!! not kidding), so he wears pricy suits and his hair slicked straight back in that oily arrogant Riley way. Other than his appearance, though, Russell also doesn't get to do much. He's given bad dialog, an unsympathetic character, and no real motivation to do anything he does. Ugh. He's a cop, and Gibson is a semi-reformed drug dealer, and they are supposed to be best buds from high school, but they have the general chemistry of, say, a vacuum cleaner and an old sandwich. That is, none whatsoever. 

And Michelle Pfeiffer is the worst of all - I didn't call her a mannequin for nothing. She is barely there even in close up. Just completely hollow - no sex appeal (same problem goes for the men too, sorry ladies), no femme fatale, no mysterious allure, no quirks, just nothing. Black hole. 

The movie made a lot of money - Wikipedia reports it made over $100 million - but critics more or less panned it. It holds a Rotten Tomatoes score of 44%, which is very generous. 

On a totally different note, there is 1987's The Falling. The poster above is just amazing - a neo-Deco masterpiece. The film? Not a masterpiece. Not even close. It's from the vaunted "teens fight space monster" genre that's been around since the '50s, but really came to high relief in the '80s. Specifically, two movies from '88 come to mind - The Blob remake and Killer Klowns from Outer Space. Teens on vacation in Spain come across a space parasite that causes violent insanity. Don't space parasites always cause violent insanity?? Wouldn't it be much more interesting for them to cause, say, everyone to stop talking and start painting as well as Rembrandt? Or for everyone to suddenly speaking in funny '30s gangster accents? Or ANYTHING except violent insanity?

The movie is entirely predictable, and the few scary moments come usually from the good gore effects; someone studied a lot of years in latex school to create cow guts like that. The main characters are fairly dim (one is played by Dennis Christopher, from Breaking Away!) but likeable enough. The real joy of the movie is the high camp value - this is easily a film that could be screened by MST3K or Earwolf's How Did This Get Made? or Rifftrax, etc. etc. Lines are spoken in inappropriate deadpan, accents are placed on the wrong words in a sentence, reactions are out of control, you name it. It's great to mock, even watching solo. 

Perhaps more interesting than the film itself are two related anecdotes. First, the original title for the film was Alien Predator (!), and it was filmed in 1984 but they held off on release in '87. Gee, I wonder why. Second, according to IMDB/Wikipedia (unsure who copied from the other), the producer was so pissed off at the lazy attitude of the production, causing it to go over budget, that he retired from films forever. Forever! This movie is so bad that it drove a man out of the industry for life. 

Next up on the DVR: Lady in White and Married to the Mob, both from 1988. I think someone over at MGM HD just grabbed a handful of discs from the "1988" vault and put them up this week.

The In Crowd (1988)

The In Crowd (1988) is one of those movies that is more interesting than good. It's very similar to Absolute Beginners (although not as vibrant or electric) in that it covers the early Rock and Roll days, only in mid-60s Philadelphia instead of late-50s England. I have to say, if you were going on just those two movies, England comes out way, way ahead. Which is really a testament to how boring and bland this movie's view of the American 1960s is. 

For a movie about the power of music on people (and specifically our teenage protagonists, played by Donovan Leitch and Jennifer Runyon), it's surprisingly unmusical and has some major flaws. First, the DJ character, "Perry Parker," apparently based on a real Philly DJ who sued the film and settled out of court, and is played by Joe Pantoliano. Yes, the human weasel who is the very effective villain of The Matrix and Memento and other films. He has neither the voice nor persona of a DJ and his presence is a major hole in the file. You never believe for a hot city second that he would fill Dick Clark's shoes, as is his goal in the movie.  

Second, the film has long periods without any music. Are they crazy?? Did they learn nothing from the immortal American Graffiti?? For a film that is almost totally about a '60s TV dance party, there is not nearly enough soundtrack. 

But that leads us to the film's greatest asset: the song "Cast Your Fate to the Wind," by Vince Guaraldi, best known for the Charlie Brown theme song. "Cast Your Fate to the Wind" is a tuneful, soulful, catchy song that appears several times and is always welcome. Funny that the film ignores so many lessons from similar films and instead leans on a song that has very little to do with its subject matter. 

Finally, the director. This movie was directed by Mark Rosenthal (who is from Philadelphia), and is the only movie he ever directed ... and it shows. He is normally a screenwriter, who is responsible for some decent-to-very good scripts like The Legend of Billie Jean (1985, and to be covered here at some future date) and Jewel of the Nile (1985, sequel to Romancing the Stone). He is also responsible for a lot of dreck, like Superman IV (1987), Star Trek VI (1991), The Beverly Hillbillies (1993), and Planet of the Apes (2001). 

You can tell he's not used to the director's chair, since the movie never flows very well. With all the aforementioned silences and poorly cut dance numbers, the whole thing is edited in such a way to drain most of the enthusiasm away from the music. There's nothing spicy, nothing dangerous, nothing hotttttt - and so I checked out pretty early on and had to force myself to slog through the whole running length. Never a good sign. Absolute Beginners feels dangerous, even with all its own flaws. American Graffiti IS dangerous and you're never sure what might happen. This movie is mayo on indifferently toasted week-old white bread. 

Next up: Tequila Sunrise (1988)

Malone (1987), To Live and Die in L.A. (1985)

                         


  MALONE                                                                                              TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A.


OK, before I write up a quick couple reviews for these two gems (and a couple others), I want to start with where I left off last time: what films I've already seen. Turns out it's almost impossible to list those movies without (A) boring you, (B) boring me, (C) taking up a ton of space. So I will instead describe generally the types of movies I have historically seen. 

Action movies - I was a rabid viewer of these as a kid, from The Terminator to Commando to Firewalker (!) to Romancing the Stone, you name it. I've seen almost all of them. 

Horror movies - from teen slashers (Friday the 13th) to alien flicks (Deepstar Six) to cheap special effects showcases (Ghoulies) to atmospheric masterpieces (The Thing, Poltergeist), I devoured these as well. 

Highbrow Academy bait - I've seen all the major fare by Woody Allen, Ingmar Bergman (non-American, I know), John Carpenter, Ridley Scott (when he was at his peak), Paul Verhoeven, Martin Scorsese, etc etc etc

You know what, even this attempt at quicklisting what I've seen is spiraling out of control. I will instead make a list somewhere and link to it from the blog, and any interested parties can read through it at their leisure. So, onward... 

Malone (1987) - I liked this movie a LOT more that I thought I would. I went in thinking "another mid-80s Burt Reynolds vehicle along the lines of Stick, Heat, Rent A Cop, Physical Evidence, etc." But no - I would argue this is one of the better action movies of the 80s. Reynolds is Malone, ex-CIA agent fed up with the moral gray zones required by the job. He goes out on a cleansing drive in his beloved '69 Mustang when it breaks down outside a small town. I think the town is supposed to be in rural Maryland, and looks just like Thurmont, MD, but the filming was actually done in British Columbia. 

It's revealed through a series of ominous events that the small town is under assault by a politically-charged madman who hopes to overthrow the government and install his own extremist, bigoted fascist society. He begins to take out the citizens who resist his attempts to buy out the whole valley, including the kind gas station owner and his daughter, who help shelter Malone while his Mustang gets repaired. Malone doesn't react well to the increasingly aggressive maneuvers the various henchmen try, enlisting his years and years of elite skills. 

The movie is notable for several reasons. One, good dialog. The local corrupt sheriff asks him "So who're you?" "Malone," Reynolds answers. "You got a first name?" "Yeah," he answers. Classic 80s one-liner. When the dialog isn't hitting all the 80s bases, it's surprisingly realistic. The gas station owner (Herschel from The Walking Dead!) talks exactly like a gas station owner. The villain talks exactly like fascist dictator wannabe. His head assassin, Madrid (who is extremely damned creepy with his flat affect and stoney face) talks just like a creepy stoney-faced assassin would ... I assume. 

Another reason: great gun gore. When people get shot, they blow the hell up. Giant holes appear in them, and blood mists everywhere. Nice touch: even Malone gets shot, and everyone treats it as the serious event it would be in real life. He may have elite soldier skills, but he's not invincible. NOTE TO MOVIE DIRECTORS: If a character is spraying a freaking Uzi at another character from 50 feet away, chances are one or two of the dozens of bullets will hit. Kudos to this movie for getting it right. 

Final reason: Great pacing. The movie starts slowly and steadily ratchets up the tension piece by piece until the ending is really spellbinding. I could write all night about Malone, but it would be better to just watch it, rather than have me rehash the whole thing. 

To Live and Die in L.A. (1985) - Directed by William Friedkin, this movie really feels like a neon 80s-fied version of The French Connection, which he also directed. Featuring a very young William Peterson, a young Willem Dafoe, and a young John Turturro, among other good actors, this movie also surprised me for the better. 

The story of two Secret Service agents (Peterson and a very good Michael Greene) on the track of a murderous, brilliant counterfeiter (Dafoe). They quickly discover that being effective agents and catching their quarry means crossing the line and going rogue. And then things spiral out of control pretty quickly...

This movie is fast and exciting from start to finish. It's reminiscent of Miami Vice in places, a lot of tight suits and crazy hair, and has one of the best car chases since ... The French Connection, I guess.  And there are a lot of twists. Not the giant "HE WAS A GHOST ALL ALONG" type twist, but more realistic twists that elicit an "oh wow, THAT'S who he was??" and make you reconsider some important assumptions. 

Good gunplay, amoral villain with great lead henchmen, good snappy dialog, and electric pacing keep this one transfixing from start to finish. A lot of times I will put on another 80s movie on TV and that start doing something on the computer and leave it on in the background. Not this movie - kept me involved from start to finish. Interesting factoid: the entire soundtrack is by Wang Chung (!). And it's good.

Two movies which I saw and didn't make the cut to full review here: My Beautiful Laundrette (1985), notable as one of two movies released on the same day in '85 to feature an astonishing Daniel Day Lewis (the other was A Room With A View). Here he plays a gay ex-skinhead who gets involved with an unlikely party (no spoilers here). He's excellent, as always, although perhaps not at the height of his powers yet ("I drink YOUR milkshake," or "I am the president of the United States, clothed in immense power! You will procure those votes!"). 

The other film was Absolute Beginners (1986), the story of the volatile post-War pre-Beatles England, full of rock and roll, increasing racial tension, and a love story. It wasn't bad, but I could never shake the feeling that the titular song, by David Bowie, was the best thing about it. Very interesting sets, though, and a couple very nice musical numbers, which tend to spring up suddenly and surprisingly. 

What's next on my 80s plate? Don't know, but I'll be posting soon either way! If I run out of new fare, I'll go back and review a classic like Blue Velvet or Purple Rose of Cairo or Poltergeist or whatever the hell crosses my mind. 

Until then... 

Introduction

I grew up amid the neon explosion, wild fads, and giant hair of the '80s culture. My family was a big movie family - whether we were renting from Erol's, or taping off our newly-gotten cable, or just watching on TV, there was constantly a movie on in the background. 

So when I got older, it made perfect sense that I would want to see all the '80s movies I could get my eyes on. But after I had seen literally all the movies that normal people/websites/IMDB/etc. recommended, I decided to get serious and watch EVERY movie made in the entire decade.

Now, to avoid going crazy and going broke, I've set up some basic rules. I won't spend a dime unless I happen to want to own the movie on its own. In other words, I won't buy or rent something just to check it off this list.

What list? The next rule is that I'm using Wikipedia's list for each year as my official "guidebook." That means I'm excluding most foreign movies and small independent productions and music videos and other things that would bog me down forever. Because let's face it, the '80s were video-obsessed. 

I am also not watching movies I've seen in the last 15 years (since age 18) unless I truly can't remember the major plot details. I'm also skipping movies I've seen multiple times or many multiples of times (Raiders of the Lost Ark, Back to the Future, et al.) ... which means a lot of movies I'm blogging about are going to be little known cult classics, little known teen slashers, little known action trash, or just little known. 

I reserve the right to break these rules whenever it would be entertaining. So if I feel like reviewing Raiders or the music video to Purple Rain, etc., I'm going to do it.

I also reserve the right to watch the movies in any order, because otherwise I'm going to get locked up in some obscure impossible-to-obtain from 1980. 

Finally, I have no timetable. That's because I'm anticipating some issues getting ahold of some of the rarer movies, and the movie channels on TV can't be depended on to provide me with films I've never seen. 

In the next post I'll post a list of what I've knocked off the list so far, a few preliminary notes, and what is coming up.